Focusing on what you want

Focus On What You Really Want (Not What You Don’t Want)

You often hear people say things like “I’m trying to lose weight” or “I want to stop smoking”. The problem with these statements is that they practically doom you to failure from the start. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, focus on what you really want.

Why you should focus on what you really want

1. Your brain does not recognise negatives

When you say “I want to stop smoking”, the only mental image that your brain has is “smoking”. The other words have no visual images associated with them. Therefore the more often you make this statement, the more times your brain sees the image of you smoking. You are literally programming your brain to make you smoke more!

I used to have a weakness for cheesecakes. Every time I stepped into a cafe or restaurant for a meal, I would tell myself “No cheesecake today!” Since the only word that had a meaning to my brain was “cheesecake”, my eyes would involuntarily wander over to the dessert counter to see what cheesecakes were available. The sight of delicious cheesecake was, of course, irresistible.

2. Shift your focus away from what you don’t want

What finally stopped me craving cheesecake was telling myself that tiramisu tasted as good and was slightly healthier. When I stopped focusing on cheesecake and started thinking about tiramisu, my cravings for cheesecake subsided. Of course, I then started eating a lot of tiramisu!

Once you realise that shifting focus works, the next step becomes simple. From tiramisu, I changed focus to salads. Every time I started thinking about what to eat for lunch, images of fresh green salads popped into my mind. I could almost taste the crunchy leaves and bacon bits in my mouth.

3. Form mental images of what you really want

Visualisation is the master key to getting what you want. If you want a lean body, find an image of your ideal body and put this where you’ll see it often. If you want a car, find a picture of your dream car. If you want to write a book, design your book cover with your name as the author and print this out.

Your mind thinks in pictures. The more often it sees those pictures, the more it will think that this is your reality. Your subconscious mind is extremely powerful, like a large ship that is steered by the tiny rudder which is your conscious mind. Once your conscious mind gives the subconscious mind a direction to move towards, the whole ship will turn slowly but surely.

4. Visualise what you want everyday

It’s not enough to do a visualisation exercise once. You need to do this daily to convince your mind that the reality you want is as real as the ‘real’ world your mind sees everyday. When you think about something so often that it becomes real to you, then the likelihood of it materialising in your reality is much higher.

When I wanted a lean body, I started to see myself as I was at 18. In my mind, I could feel my clothes getting loose. It took a few months but eventually the reality caught up. The same was true of my finances. When I started to visualise the figures I wanted to see in my financial spreadsheet, the real figures started to appear after a few years.

5. Be absolutely certain

You must see the reality you want as if it was 100% true. There is no room for doubt or uncertainty because you will confuse your brain. When you look down the road to your life one year from now or five years from now, the picture you see must be what you want.

The lifestyle I have today is the result of imagining my ideal day over five years ago when I was spending too many hours at work with not enough time for my family or myself. There was no doubt in my mind that I would someday have control over my time.

6. Let time do its work

Sometimes you will see results relatively quickly, in a few days or weeks. Sometimes takes years, especially if the difference between what you want and what you currently have is significant. Be patient. Even if you turn the rudder of your subconscious today in the right direction, a big ship takes time to turn. And once it’s headed where you want it to go, the journey itself takes time.

How to focus on what you really want

So many of us are so easily distracted. We don’t focus consistently and so don’t get the results we relly want. To get better at focus, read Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More by Doing Less. For a more action-oriented approach, get The Full Focus Planner and start using it.

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Secret to Success? Focus on What You Want

Not What You Don’t Want!

Set a Goal and Stay Focused

Want to know a little secret? One of the most powerful techniques you can use to ensure your immediate and continued success is to stay focused on what you want – and all aspects of that – and not to give in to worry, doubt, or to the temporary circumstances that might be happening right now in your life. I know this sounds simple, but most people find it extremely hard to put into practice.

To start with, while everyone understands the importance of goal setting, and many of you may even have goals now, what usually happens after the excitement wears off is that reality settles in. You may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money, or drive a different type of car, etc, but after you receive a few checks that seem to be about the same, or after you get back into your old car for a few months, have you ever found that you forget about your goal and just start accepting that things are probably going to remain the same?

Or have you ever attended a motivational seminar or read a motivational book and been fired up for a while? Have you even taken some of the advice and written down your new goals or even taken some action on trying a new marketing plan or diet? If you have, then you’ve probably experienced the kind of let down that comes from not making progress fast enough and of laying in bed at night worrying about your income or about your future.

In fact, let me ask you right now:

“How much of your thinking is about what you don’t want to have happen or about what might happen if something you’re trying to accomplish doesn’t work out?”

The answer to that one question will always determine your ultimate success. You see, the secret to all success is to be able to stay focused on exactly what you want regardless of how long it takes, or what else is currently happening, or what temporary obstacles might be in your way. It is this single ability to stay focused, committed and always trained on the end result you want – no matter what – that will enable you to ultimately achieve any goal you can set.

So how do you stay focused on what it is you want when so much seems to be to the contrary, or your mind constantly says, “Yes, but…”? Here are some tips that help me, and they might help you as well.

I remember when I wanted to upgrade my Nissan Hatchback to a Mercedes. Well, at first I couldn’t afford the down payment, didn’t know how I was going to make the monthly payments, insurance, etc. Instead of trying to figure all that out, I started with the thought, “If other reps in the office drive nice cars and they seem to be able to write enough business to afford them, why not me?”

That basic belief was the core driving thought that I always went back to when I had a bad sales day, or week. Whenever my mind started to go negative on me with the, “Who are you kidding? You a Mercedes?” And so forth, I would always reaffirm what I could believe in – “If others could do it, I could do it too!”

After that, I strengthened my vision by going to a Mercedes dealership and test driving the car I wanted; I had the sales rep at the dealership take pictures of me next to my ideal car (in fact you can see that exact picture by clicking here and scrolling down a bit), and I brought all the brochures home that I could and kept them on my desk and looked at them often. And then I wrote up an affirmation card and spent three to five times a day slowly visualizing how I felt now that I owned that car.

That combination – always combating any negative thoughts with a thought I could believe in – “If others could do it, I could as well” – along with constantly feeding myself the feelings of having accomplished my goal, enabled me to stay focused on what I wanted, rather than on what I didn’t have.

The result? Four months after writing up my affirmation card and making the commitment to own the car of my dreams, I went back to the same dealership and bought the exact car I had been visualizing about. You see, the manager drove that car and it was still available when I was ready to buy. Coincidence? I don’t think so!

So my question to you is this: What do you want, and what belief can you buy into that can become your default belief that will counteract any negative thinking? And then what kinds of reinforcement tools can you surround yourself with that will keep you dreaming about how you’ll feel once you attain your goal? These, coupled with an affirmation statement that you visualize several times a day, will keep you focused on what you want.

And once you do that, your goal will always become a reality.

Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

I ran into an old friend the other day. I was thrilled to see her and was very excited to catch up. When I asked her what was happening in her life, she began sharing with a declaration of busyness (exclaimed by a sigh) and followed with a brief one or two-sentence description about what she had done which was accompanied with a half-smile.

The next segment of the conversation quickly took a deep dive into what she had wanted to do only to be followed by all or the reasons why she hadn’t been able to do them. This turned into focusing on what she didn’t want within her role as a leader at work and as a mom at home. The negative blaming energy was palpable!

Okay you get the picture…by this point as the listener; I was exhausted and searching for the exit. However I paused and asked her, “What do you want your role as a leader to be and how would you like to show up for your kids?”

These two questions shifted the whole tone of the conversation. She sat silent for a few minutes and for those of you who know me, you know I’m completely comfortable with holding the sacred space of silence for people to process and discover their thoughts.

Eventually, she replied, “I’ve never taken time to truly think about what I want either of these areas of my life to be. I’ve always assumed they needed to be what they’ve been in the past.”

This was a huge ah-ha moment for her! She asked me if I could hang out with her for a while. We spent the next few hours digging in and I got to see her full joyous beautiful smile as she began visualizing what could be possible for her as a leader and a mom!

She left with two small action steps to start her journey to living her life based on what’s important to her by focusing on what she wants not what she doesn’t want.

As I drove home I reflected back to a time in my life where I too could only focus on what I didn’t want. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t able to step in to my power of choice and focus my thoughts on what I wanted in my life.

It wasn’t until I made the decision to stop living by default and start living based on what was important to me that was I able to reignite my mojo and own my power of choice to create the life I most desired. I’m incredibly grateful for the skills I learned during that process.

I’m curious as you reflect on your role, as a leader at work or a home, are you operating on autopilot? When was the last time you took time to determine what you want your roles to be in your life?

Here’s a little experiment for you if you want, the next time you hear yourself saying, I don’t want…pause and ask, “Okay, what do I want?” Then start focusing from that perspective. Let me know what changes and what you learn from this experiment.

If you would like to talk more about shifting your roles in your life to be more aligned with what’s important to you, click here to setup a discovery call with me today.

Abraham Hicks Explains How To Focus on What You Really Want

If you’re an Abraham Hicks fan, you already know the importance of raising your energy and focusing on your desires.

But, it’s one thing to know that you should keep your focus on what you want, but actually doing so is another challenge entirely.

In this post, I’ll outline a few great Abraham Hicks focus techniques, along with one of my new favorite videos explaining how to use them.

How To Focus On What You Want

The key to manifesting anything in life begins and ends with your focus.

Unfortunately, as we go through our normal lives, we inevitably come up against circumstances we don’t like. So, how do you stay positive and focused?

Abraham tells us to just keep focusing on things you like. Focus on things that feel good, and everything else will take care of itself.

This is because what you focus on grows.

As humans, we have a tendency to think that we have to sort out the good and the bad, analyze what’s going wrong and come up with a solution for it, but the reality is that any time we’re focused on what we don’t want, we bring more of it into our experience, thanks to The Law of Attraction.

So, anytime you feel yourself moving towards anything negative, shift your focus. Start thinking about things you like, what you really appreciate about the situation, and how you really want to feel. If you know how to do a rampage of appreciation, then you can begin slowly, and gradually massage your thoughts into a better feeling place.

To ramp up the energy even more, practice writing down your positive statements. Speaking and writing is far more powerful than just thinking, and will shift your mood and your energy much more quickly. One great exercise for this is to create a focus wheel.

How To Make a Focus Wheel

A focus wheel is one of the processes from Ask and It Is Given, in which Abraham explains that you can align your energy and enter into a better-feeling state, simply by writing down a list of phrases that feel good.

To make a focus wheel, simply draw two concentric circles onto a piece of paper, and mark each with 12 points, as if you were moving around a clock. Begin with the outer circle, and for each of the 12 marks, write a general, good-feeling thought.

After you have written 12 general thoughts, you should have stopped a lot of the negative momentum that you may have had going. Now that you are in a better-feeling place, you can begin to build positive momentum towards what you want. So, begin to work your away around the inner circle, writing more specific, positive phrases as you go.

By the time you finish, you should have 12 general phrases and 12 specific phrases, each one more positive and aligned then the last!

You can learn more about how to work with general and specific thoughts in our workshop on Getting Into The Vortex.

3 Ways to Focus on What You Want

In today’s 24/7, never-unplugged culture, getting through a day often feels like a full-contact sport – bruises and all. Despite the billions of dollars raked in annually by the wellness industries, statistics show that more Americans than ever are stressed, depressed, and anxiety-ridden – with high-achieving women disproportionately sitting at the top of the burned-out, run-ragged pack.

A breakdown-moment question I often receive from women executives and entrepreneurs alike is some form of, “How can I grow my business faster while having a proper and healthy work-life balance and remaining present in my children’s lives and spending time with my husband and traveling?” (No joke. That’s a word-for-word question I received last week.)

My short answer is: You can’t.

My longer answer is: One cake at a time.

Because you can have your cake and eat it too, but you can’t have multiple cakes at the same time. It’s critical to be aware of what’s most important to you and how you intend to consistently show up for that.

For example, I carve out uninterrupted playtime with my daughter almost every day. Yesterday it was coloring; today it was flying human airplanes in bed. Those simple moments together reinforce my commitment to be a playful and present mother, and show my daughter that she is a priority in my life. (So I’m not checking my phone intermittently while we’re coloring, or thinking about something else while I’m reading to her.) I’m fully present, and she can feel that.

I apply this same singular focus to everything that’s worth doing in my business and life. The cumulative effect of those consistent growth practices is pure magic.

Here are a few simple strategies to experience this same magic in your life:

Strategy #1: F.O.C.U.S. Follow One Course Until Successful. In a keynote speech about the Third Metric, Arianna Huffington discusses the dangers of multitasking: “You think you’re being efficient, but actually you’re being stupid.” As Arianna points out, we now have scientific evidence proving we cannot multi-task. Knowing that, what’s most important to you right now? Maybe it’s taking time off to hang with your little one. Or a personal project you’ve been putting off… Whatever it is: it’s time. Don’t let all the things you can choose get in the way of what you know you must. When you set up your time and space to ‘single-task’, you’ll accomplish more and feel less stressed and more satisfied.

Strategy #2: ACT. To paraphrase from motivational author Napoleon Hill’s work, knowledge is not power. It’s potential power. Knowledge without action is completely useless. So what 1-2 actions could you take today to move in the direction of your FOCUS? What could you create? When I had an over-full-time corporate gig, I dreamed of starting a blog. I didn’t even really know what a blog was at the time, but I used my lunch breaks and late evenings to find out and to simply start writing. What daily action can you take in the direction of your dreams? Small, consistent practices lead to big, crazy cool results.

Strategy #3: CONNECT. Who can help you and who can you help with what you’re creating? When you connect to your deepest desires, you’ll also start connecting with the people and circumstances that steadily bring them to life. And remember, in this information age you can spend time with anyone you want. Find someone who’s killing it in the biz-life areas you feel called to focus on and study them. What are they doing differently? Make it a point to learn something from them today — either by reading or listening to their work, or by finding other creative ways to engage indirectly or directly with them.

Cortney McDermott is an award-winning writer, TEDx speaker, and strategist to Fortune 500 executives, entrepreneurial leaders, and think tanks around the world. She writes for a number of international publications, including She Owns It and HuffPost. Her debut book, Change Starts Within You: Unlock the Confidence to Lead with Intuition was selected for Inc.com’s “26 Favorite Books of High Achievers” and has been featured in multiple media outlets around the nation.

Before turning entrepreneur, Cortney served as an executive at Vanity Fair Corporation, vice president at Sustainability Partners, professor of graduate studies for Big Ten US universities, and global associate for the renowned beCause Consortium. (She also moonlighted as a deli waitress, secretary, and everything in between, as a way to put herself through school and life.)

Cortney is a graduate of the London School of Economics and a certified cultural mediator in multiple languages. She lives with her family between the United States and Italyfocus