What are mommy issues

Что такое mommy issues и как они проявляются, когда мы вырастаем

Эксперт:

Что такое mommy issues?

Фрейд обнаружил «Эдипов комплекс», Карл Юнг про­дол­жил его изучение и ввел понятие «комплекс Электры». Он изначально рассматривался через призму пси­хо­ана­ли­за и означал сексуальное соревнование маленькой де­воч­ки с матерью из-за отца. Сегодня mommy issues от­сы­ла­ют к различным проблемам с мамой.

Как mommy issues мешают жить?

Mommy issues мешают строить отношения в будущем, по­то­му что у такого человека есть проблемы с доверием. Он будет рев­но­вать, нуждаться в подтверждении того, что он значим и любим. Мужчины с mommy issues не уме­ют выстраивать от­но­ше­ния с противоположным полом, у них низкая самооценка. Бывает, что такие люди пред­по­чи­та­ют партнера, который намного старше их.

Как mommy issues проявляются во взрослой жизни?

Мужчина, у которого были проблемы с ма­мой, может всю жизнь так и прожить с ней, не пытаясь построить другие от­но­ше­ния. Он решится это сделать обычно только в слу­чае маминой смерти. Муж­чи­на с mommy issues начнет ис­кать не суп­ру­гу, а маму, ее замену. В таких от­но­ше­ни­ях не может быть равенства — всегда кто-то будет до­ми­ни­ро­вать. Например, он будет очень властным или, нао­бо­рот, во всем станет подчиняться жене.

Также у мужчины будут определенные ожи­да­ния от своей партнерши, которые ос­но­ва­ны на поведении его мамы. На­при­мер, если она всегда за ним убирала, то он да­же не подумает, что может сде­лать это са­мос­тоя­тель­но. Он будет ждать, что это сделает его партнерша.

Как mommy issues сказываются на парнях и девушках?

У мужчин это сказывается на отношениях с про­ти­во­по­лож­ным полом, а у девушек — со своим и с собой. Такие девушки могут не иметь подруг, им сложно выстраивать отношения с женщинами, потому что они им не доверяют. Девочки становятся па­цан­ка­ми, потому что чувствуют се­бя не­ком­форт­но в образе женщины — они не при­ни­ма­ют свою женственность и сексуальность.

Проявления mommy issues раз­лич­ны у пар­ней и де­ву­шек, но в обоих слу­ча­ях нет до­ве­рия к жен­щи­нам. Иног­да встре­ча­ет­ся, что де­вуш­ка в муж­чи­не ищет маму. Она счи­та­ет, что то, что не­до­да­ла ей мать, смо­жет дать партнер.

Что больше влияет на ребенка — mommy или daddy issues?

Не могу дать однозначного ответа, потому что всё очень ин­ди­ви­ду­аль­но и за­ви­сит от лич­нос­ти ро­ди­те­ля и ре­бен­ка. Кроме то­го, нет боль­шо­го ко­ли­чест­ва ис­сле­до­ва­ний о mommy issues. Из моего опы­та могу сказать, что ра­бо­таю чаще над проб­ле­ма­ми с мамой, но не могу делать из этого од­ноз­нач­ный вывод.

Как прорабатывать mommy issues?

С психологом! Это будет эффективнее и быст­рее. Мож­но прос­то вни­кать, что это такое, изу­чать, смот­реть и чи­тать, что­бы про­ра­бо­тать это са­мос­тоя­тель­но. Но если вы ви­ди­те влия­ние этих проб­лем на ва­шу жизнь, то са­мым луч­шим ва­ри­ан­том бу­дет об­ра­ще­ние к специалисту.

What’s the Psychology Behind Mommy Issues?

Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer and former staffer at TODAY on NBC and CBS News. She’s also contributed to dozens of magazines.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Oliver Rossi/Stone/Getty Images

What Are Mommy Issues?

The idea of daddy issues is thrown around pretty frequently, that said, mommy issues can be just as prevalent.

While they sometimes manifest differently in male and female children, they’re no less real. Of course, this isn’t an actual clinical term, however, the concepts behind mommy issues can often be explained with psychological theories.

This is partially because the role of mothers is still widely considered to be perhaps the most most important, especially in early childhood. Mommy issues can pop up for anyone who had a toxic, estranged, or even overly-doting relationship with their mother.

For women, mother-daughter relationships can often veer into the lane of nitpicking. If a mother was unkind or continuously critiqued your appearance as a child, it can compromise a child’s self-worth for years to come.

What’s The History Of Mommy Issues?

Just as the concept of daddy issues is more notable in male children, mommy issues are more prevalent in female children. Sigmund Freud would argue that this is because of the Oedipus and Electra complexes, which he described in his psychosexual stages of development:

That’s right, the entire idea is that kids view their same-sex parent as competition. Freud theorized that this concept arises between the ages of three and five, and that if it continues, it can lead to the child having issues in their romantic relationships as they grow older.

Freud initially researched this in regard to male children, however, the larger concepts aren’t gendered and actually led to the formation of the attachment theory. This theory came from John Bowlby, who figured out that attachment styles formed in early childhood can dictate the nature of a person’s relationships in the future. Many times, people who had issues with their mothers develop an insecure attachment style.

The following are three types of insecure attachment styles:

Why Do Mommy Issues Occur?

The way that mothers treat their children was found to directly correlate with the way their mothers treated them. For example, one study found that mothers who felt that they were accepted and supported by their own mothers as kids went on to have balanced relationships with their own children. They were more sensitive to their child’s needs and less intrusive.

That same study found that mothers who remembered being accepted by their moms formed secure attachments with their own children and in other relationships later in life.

Alternatively, mothers who remembered feeling overprotected and constantly entangled with their own mothers went on to form insecure or avoidant attachments with their own children. The same goes for moms who were dismissive or overly critical of their children.

Intergenerational mother-daughter relationships have been found to have a huge impact on the child’s future in regard to their parenting and relationship styles. Basically, this is a cycle that can easily continue if you don’t recognize and take action against it.

In a study that surveyed college students, attachment styles were predicted by paternal care and low scores of maternal overprotection. This demonstrates the importance of letting your child have autonomy over their decisions, all while offering support and guidance, of course.

When Is the Term Used?

Coming as a surprise to no one, «mommy issues» is typically used in a negative or even insulting way.

For men, it can often be associated with the term «mama’s boy,» which is basically saying that someone is too close to their mother. This can happen when moms are super servile and instill in men a sense that this is how women should behave.

It can lead to men having expectations of such behavior in romantic relationships, and even seeking out female partners who check this box. It can also lead to them mentally pitting their romantic partners’ attributes against their mother’s.

This term manifests completely differently for women. If a female child has mommy issues, it’s more typically referencing that a mother nitpicked or verbally put down their daughter. This can lead to self-confidence and self-image issues later in life. It can also lead to trust issues since the person that you trusted for your primary care let you down in this way.

Should You Salvage Your Relationship With Your Mother?

This will depend largely on your ability to set up boundaries, and your mother’s abilities to abide by them.

If the relationship is causing you stress, take steps back and evaluate why this is: Is your mom trying to involve herself in your life too heavily again? Is she offering constant input on your decisions?

If these things are happening, talk to your mom about it and let her know that you won’t be welcoming this kind of interaction. If she can take these notes, then the relationship is probably worth maintaining. If not, you may need to take a step back for a while before giving her another chance.

How To Overcome Mommy Issues

In a study that looked at parents who were abused as children, parents that broke the cycle had a few things in common. These commonalities demonstrate how people have overcome mommy issues in their pasts.

A Word From Verywell

Mommy issues can have lasting impacts that seriously hurt. It’s totally understandable if it takes you a significant amount of time to overcome the mental strife that you were put through as a child or adolescent. Be patient with yourself and work through these issues so that you can stop the cycle of unhealthy relationships in your family.

Kretchmar Ph.D MD, Jacobvitz Ph.D. DB. Observing Mother-Child Relationships Across Generations: Boundary Patterns, Attachment, and the Transmission of Caregiving*. Department of Human Ecology, Division of Human Development and Family Studies. 2004. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41306.x

Maor Kalfon Hakhmigari, Yoav Peled, Haim Krissi, Sigal Levy, Maayan Molmen-Lichter, Jonathan E. Handelzalts, Anxious Attachment Mediates the Associations Between Early Recollections of Mother’s Own Parental Bonding and Mother–Infant Bonding: A 2-Month Path Analysis Mode, Frontiers in Psychiatry, 2021 doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.682161

Women with Mommy Issues: How to Recognize and Deal with

Adults say that she is a good girl, contemporaries consider her a bore, but she doesn’t care because the most important opinion for her is the opinion of her mother. Sometimes moms just don’t know what they’re doing. They love and guard their daughters so much that they don’t even let them take a step without control. At the same time, they are absolutely sure that they know much better than their “children” with whom they are friends, where to study, whom to love, and with whom to be friends. So, how to know if a girl has mommy issues symptoms?

What are mommy issues?

Imagine that a young man married a beautiful girl. Their union was cemented by pure love, and happy newlyweds set out for a honeymoon for 2 weeks. But, they returned from the trip and severe family everyday life began. Literally from the very first day, a girl’s mother began to intervene in the personal life of a young couple. She visited her daughter and called her several times a day. It may seem that there is nothing terrible about this. But a mother constantly harassed her daughter with advice.

She recommended how to behave with her husband, how to do housework, how to spend her leisure time. This is how mommy issues psychology looks like. What kind of man would like such custody of his wife? The case in this situation is aggravated by the fact that a married daughter can’t do anything without mama’s approval and consent. A husband offers to go abroad – she immediately calls her mom and asks for advice. And a mother thinks that it’s too late to go somewhere at this time of year. This decision, as the only correct one, is immediately said to a husband. The same is observed in other family issues.

However, not everything is as bad as it may seem at first glance. Complete dependence on a mother has certain pluses. Specialists believe that girls with mommy issues have a powerful intuition and are extremely feminine. Such a girl is artistic, delicate, and very impressionable. But this is observed only when a mother herself is endowed with the appropriate features. Also, such girls have the ability to dress well and cook well. In a word, if a mother is “good”, then her daughter meets the best standards. She can be an ideal wife. However, at the same time, a girl is very attached to her mother and considers her opinion the main one. Also, it should immediately be noted that obsessive maternal care makes a girl passive and insecure. It is characterized by emotional instability, increased vulnerability, and irritability. Such a girl rarely achieves her goals and is not able to tolerate failures persistently.

A normal family life is possible in newlyweds only if the mother’s behavior is quite adequate. A woman shows delicacy and doesn’t get into the life of her daughter and her husband. A girl needs to get rid of her mother’s excessive care. And this means, first of all, getting rid of emotional dependence. Only then it makes sense to talk about harmony in marriage. And it is fundamental in family life.

Mommy issues vs daddy issues

A mother loves her children for no reason, a father – for deeds. Fatherly love is demanding and “not given” to a child at birth. It must be earned with real virtues and confirmed with concrete achievements. It stimulates a child for action, for success, for moving forward, teaches him/her to affect people, obey, and live in society. Mother’s love relaxes, soothes, envelops and lulls, but it doesn’t push for anything.

Mommy issues

Women with mommy issues signs are often feminine, endowed with powerful intuition, artistic, delicate, and very impressionable. As a rule, such a girl knows how to cook well and dresses with taste. A girl may become a good wife and a skillful mistress with time. But at the same time, a girl feels that she and her mother are one inseparable whole. Typical female features are magnified many times by mother’s efforts. Life settings of a mother are automatically transferred to her daughter. So, such a girl often feels unhappy. She is not self-confident, passive, vulnerable, irritable, and has emotional instability, often deviates from the intended goal, she doubts her feminine value. A loving mother binds her daughter to herself forever. She prevents her to marry or she chooses a husband for her and then lives with a newly married couple. By the way, the same happens to guys with mommy issues.

Daddy issues

From her earliest childhood, a father educates his daughter as a boy. Maybe such traits as purposefulness, perseverance, ability to take responsibility for oneself, a propensity for analysis are very useful in life. Thus, a girl turns into a harmonious and destiny-resistant person. She knows what her dad likes. And if dad is a real man, then she has no doubts about her female attractiveness for all other male representatives. Such girls understand men perfectly and get on well with them, which help them in marriage and career. However, there are some problems as well. A dad often prevents his daughter from getting married and creating her own family. Such despotic and painful attachment of a father to a daughter is typical for single fathers and for families in which there is no love and mutual respect between spouses. Often girls with daddy issues take typically masculine shortcomings of their fathers: self-confidence, arrogance, brusqueness, sexual discrimination, and indifference.

Signs of mommy issues

Girls with mommy issues are seen from far. However, here are the mommy issues signs in females if you don’t know how to recognize them:

Such a girl responds to all adventurous offers like this: “We must ask my mother”. By nature, such a girl is spineless. She can’t make decisions on her own and is afraid of any responsibility. Such a “plant life” can be led all life if, of course, there is someone to rely on and a girl can be a “child” for her husband as she was for her mother.

Such a girl, as a rule, communicates with adults – friends of parents, relatives, and not with peers. Very often among women with mommy issues, there are talented girls with a rich inner world, but they are so “protected” by mothers from all problems and worries that they can’t succeed in life.

Specialists say that these girls, as a rule, are more feminine and endowed with powerful intuition. These girls are usually artistic, delicate and very impressionable. But this is only if a mother is a good woman. Otherwise, all the shortcomings of a mother can automatically go to her daughter. Especially if they are very close to each other.

They often feel very unhappy. This is one of the most obvious signs of mommy issues. Girls are not self-confident, passive, differ emotional instability, vulnerable and irritable, often deviate from the intended goal, and doubt their feminine values.

A mother, unwittingly, binds her daughter to herself forever. Excessive maternal love shortcomings, first of all, prevent a daughter from living. After all, if a mother is in a bad mood, then her mother will sacrifice even a romantic evening with her husband just to calm a mother and raise her mood.

They listen to their mothers in everything. If a daughter is very attached to her mother and listens to her in everything, then this can turn into big problems for her personal life – up to the divorce.

She wants to break up because her mother doesn’t like you. It is very easy to recognize mommy issues in females. If a mother doesn’t like a boyfriend of her daughter and she has a tense relationship with him, a real problem may appear in a family. A mother will say to her daughter that she has a bad husband and her daughter will start to rush between two fires. And she may choose her mother, not a husband. After all, it is very difficult to get rid of emotional dependence.

How to deal with women with mommy issues

Below we will tell you several small tricks that will allow you to reduce the intensity of passions in a relationship. So, how to deal with mommy issues:

Love her mother. Love her mother because she gave birth to such a wonderful girl. You yourself chose her and still love her for some reason. Praise her and make it clear to your girlfriend’s mother that her opinion is very important to you. Don’t resist their meetings because this will only spoil relations with your girl.

Be smarter. At first glance, the first advice may seem almost impossible. But if her mother advises you something, just listen to her and even better – do as she wants and be kind at the same time. Try doing so. Be trickier.

Let your girl feel independent. For example, divide household chores – one of you is responsible for buying food, the other for cooking or paying for utilities. Don’t drag everything on yourself.

Praise her more. This is very important because even a small praise is nice for any girl. Gradually, she will get used to the fact that something can depend on her as well. Perhaps, she will like this new status.

Resign yourself to your position. How to deal with mommy issues? Psychologists advise – let it go. It is a useless and hopeless occupation to fight with her mother. The main thing that you have to understand is that the head of the family is you. If you are ready for this, then it makes sense to continue to live in a marriage. The most important thing that psychologists recommend is not to argue with her mother. By enlisting her love and support, it will be much easier for you to build a relationship with your woman and the question of whether you should live together will fall off by itself.

Give vent to emotions. It’s not always possible to keep everything to yourself – thus you will only do harm to your health. Don’t you like something? Get angry! A woman should know that you are extremely unhappy with her actions. But again, in a dispute with her, be careful not to criticize her mother, just talk about your feelings.

No manipulation. Such girls often just give their points of view for their opinion. If you feel that she really can’t think so, then don’t be silent about it!

10 Signs of Mommy Issues in Women and How to Fix Them

In This Article

You’ve probably heard someone describe a man as having “mommy issues” if he is immature and relies upon a female partner to care for him, but mommy issues in women are also possible.

The psychology of mommy issues can help you understand what this means and how you can overcome these issues if you’re experiencing them.

Here, learn answers to the question, “Do I have mommy issues?” so you can begin to solve problems related to your relationship with your mother.

What are mommy issues for a woman?

The term “mommy issues” often refers to a situation in which a person has a strained relationship with their mother, to the point that the strained relationship affects other important relationships, such as those with a significant other.

Frequently, different types of mommy issues result from deep-seated childhood problems, such as extreme conflict, emotional distance, or abuse from a mother. When these problems go unresolved, they continue to affect a person as an adult, leading to the appearance of mommy issues in women.

10 signs of mommy issues in women

If you feel that you might be experiencing signs of mommy issues, you probably want some sort of confirmation that your suspicions are true. The symptoms below can be signs of mommy issues in females.

1. Neediness in relationships

Mommy issues in relationships can show up in the form of neediness. If your mother was emotionally distant and did not meet your needs for care and affection, you are likely to cling to your partner to provide this nurturance to you.

2. Difficulty expressing affection

We learn a lot about relationships from our parents. If your mom was emotionally cold, you might also struggle to show affection to your partner because you were never given a good example of it.

This can lead to problems with intimacy in adult relationships and lower quality of relationships if you are experiencing the signs of mommy issues in women.

3. Detachment in relationships

Just as girls with mommy issues may struggle with affection, they may become emotionally detached in relationships. Because they struggle with their mother, they are afraid to get too close to their intimate partners.

4. Caretaking for others

Another one of the mommy issues symptoms is excessive caretaking for other people. This can come from having a mother who was overbearing and never allowed you the freedom to be yourself or make your own decisions.

She may have been overprotective and solved every problem for you, which can lead you to take on a caretaker role and sacrifice your own needs in your adult relationships.

5. Tension between you and your mom

Even if you can’t quite put your finger on the exact problems between you and your mom, if your relationship is strained, there are probably some underlying mommy issues.

Unresolved problems from childhood tend to keep cropping up in adulthood, so tension with your mom suggests there are some mommy issues still going on.

6. Insecurities

In some cases, mommy issues mean that your mother was incredibly critical of you growing up.

Maybe she criticized your appearance, or perhaps nothing you did was ever good enough for her. This can lead you to feel highly insecure as an adult because if you can’t please your mother, how can you please anyone?

7. Extreme people pleasing

If you lacked love and affection from your mother, you might try to do everything you can to get affection elsewhere. This can mean excessive people-pleasing behaviors.

How do you know if you have mommy issues? You may go out of your way to make other people happy by doting on them, buying expensive gifts, or doing favors for them, even if you aren’t getting the same level of care in return.

8. Controlling behavior

Mommy issues in women can sometimes manifest in the form of controlling behavior toward others.

When your own mother is controlling, you may learn that it is acceptable to control others. This can cause you to be rigid in your relationships, expecting people to behave a certain way. You can become upset and try to control other people when they don’t meet your expectations.

9. Being overly critical of others

Mommy issues signs in females include an overly critical personality. If you have mommy issues as a woman, your mom was likely overly critical of you.

Since we learn by watching our parents, you, too, may become overly critical toward other people. This can mean that you perceive slight flaws as disastrous, and you may become angry with people for minor mistakes or imperfections.

10. Lack of independence

While we often think of mommy issues in women as coming from an emotionally cold or neglectful mother, sometimes mommy issues come from having a mother who was overly protective and overindulged us. This can lead you, as an adult, to struggle with independence.

You may rely on other people to make decisions for you or handle your responsibilities.

Psychology of mommy issues

Now that you have a better idea of the answer to, “What does mommy issues mean for a girl?” you may be wondering about the psychology behind mommy issues in women.

When young children form healthy attachments with their caregivers, they learn to rely on others to meet their needs.

On the other hand, when children learn that adult caregivers will not respond in times of need, they do not develop healthy attachments. This can lead people to become anxiously attached, meaning they worry about their needs not being met.

You would worry about people being available to you or decide that you cannot trust them to be available. You may avoid emotional closeness to protect yourself. This is why the signs of mommy issues in females include detachment and difficulty with affection.

On the other hand, people who have low differentiation of self cannot distinguish themselves as being separate from their families.

In a household where a mother is overprotective and overbearing, a child may develop low differentiation of self. This can lead the person to have trouble differentiating themselves from their partners in adult relationships, which is why mommy issues in women can lead to neediness, people-pleasing, and caretaking behavior in relationships.

Side effects of mommy issues

Based upon what is known about mommy issues, you can expect some significant side effects if you’re a woman living with these issues. Since mommy issues tend to follow us into adulthood, they can negatively affect our relationships and wellbeing.

If you have mommy issues symptoms, you may experience the following side effects:

10 ways to fix mommy issues

Given the side effects and problems that come with them, it is important to learn how to deal with mommy issues. If you’re experiencing difficulty with relationships, it’s probably time to explore some solutions to your mommy issues.

The following fixes may be beneficial:

1. Become aware of the problem

The first step toward solving mommy issues is to become aware of the problem. The fact that you’re reading this article probably indicates that you realize there is a problem.

If you’ve confirmed that you have mommy issues, now is the time to further increase your awareness by thinking about what led to these issues. Was your mother extremely critical? Did it seem as if there was a wall between the two of you because she was emotionally distant?

It’s time to dig deep and determine where the mommy issues come from.

2. Seek social support

Seeking out supportive relationships with other people can help you develop self-confidence to overcome mommy issues.

Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family members who encourage you and make you feel your best. Cultivating healthy relationships can go a long way when trying to overcome childhood issues.

3. Set healthy boundaries

If you’re experiencing signs of mommy issues, likely, there is still tension between you and your mother today. This means that you may have to learn how to set healthy boundaries with her.

If your mother was always overly involved in your life, such as making career decisions or assuming responsibility for your finances, now is the time to break free.

You have a right to stand up for yourself and tell her that you’ll be making your own decisions. You also have a right to turn down advice or ask for space.

4. Change your ways of behaving

Once you’ve identified mommy issues and determined that you want to move past them, you have to make an intentional effort to change your behavior.

Once you’re aware of the signs of mommy issues in women, you can look out for behaviors associated with them and put forth the effort to change those behaviors.

For instance, if you judge others harshly, you can acknowledge that this stems from mommy issues and decide to be more forgiving.

5. Cut off unhealthy relationships

This isn’t a healthy relationship if your significant other expects you to take a caretaking role or meet all of their demands while neglecting your own well-being. You may have to end it if you truly want to recover from mommy issues.

6. Practice putting yourself first

If mommy issues have led you to be overly people-pleasing or to take on a caretaking role in your relationships, you probably don’t have much time for yourself.

When you’re used to sacrificing your own needs for the benefit of others, it may feel selfish to take time for yourself, but putting yourself first actually puts you in a better mindset, so you’re better prepared to care for your family and children.

Take time for self-care, and spend time doing things you genuinely enjoy without feeling the need to always care for others. They’ll be okay!

Want to know further why you should put yourself first, watch this video to find out:

7. Use positive self-affirmations

When these thoughts become automatic, you can begin to overcome the negative voice inside your head.

8. Talk with your mom

If your mom is still in your life, you may have to talk to her if her behavior becomes inappropriate. For instance, if she begins giving excessive input on your personal choices, you may have to ask her to take a step back.

9. Permit yourself to feel

An emotionally neglectful mother may deny your feelings or punish you for having negative emotions. This can lead you to suppress your feelings, especially negative ones, out of fear of punishment.

If you want to learn how to fix mommy issues, you have to permit yourself to feel your emotions. It’s okay to be sad or disappointed, just as it’s okay to be happy.

10. Seek therapy

Ultimately, you may need to seek professional intervention to overcome mommy issues. Since these issues have roots in childhood and can profoundly impact your functioning as an adult, it can help to work through them with a professional.

A therapist can help you process your emotions and explore the problems in your relationship with your mother. Therapy can also be a safe space to learn what healthy relationships look like and develop skills like setting boundaries.

Conclusion

Mommy issues in women come from relationship problems that played out in childhood, and they can cause issues in adult relationships.

If you notice that you have signs of mommy issues, you’ve probably experienced difficulty with intimate relationships, whether you found yourself being overly clingy or at the opposite end of the spectrum, afraid to commit.

The good news is that when you notice signs of mommy issues, you can take steps to overcome them. In some cases, therapy may be necessary, so you have a professional walking alongside you as you recover from childhood wounds.

Signs of Mommy Issues in Females

Both parents have a big influence on the development of their child’s personality. They sort of program their kids by the way they treat them. It’s a well-known fact that all emotional disorders, deviations in behavior, psychological problems stem from a person’s childhood. The personalities of parents, the relations between them, a general atmosphere in the family – all this shapes a kid and predetermines his or her future life as an adult.

Mommy issues vs daddy issues

Along daddy issues, there are “mommy issues”. These are often “diagnosed” in men by women. By the way, there isn’t such a diagnosis as mommy or daddy issues – it’s just an informal name. A man with mommy issues is often called a mummy’s boy and is too attached to his mother. There is the other side of mommy issues in men when they feel completely detached or don’t want even to talk about their mothers. Not trusting women, being possessive, disrespectful to women, suspicious, worshiping/ignoring his mother – these are just a few signs of men with mommy issues. Guys with mommy issues are often afraid of strong women or tend to think that they will not find a woman who will be better than their mother. The same as not all sons are lucky enough to have doting fathers, not all daughters have idyllic relationships with their mothers, which means there are also women with mommy issues.

What are mommy issues?

In a healthy mother-daughter relationship, there is a strong bond between a parent and a child. A little girl feels loved and protected, gets enough care and attention. When she grows up, she considers her mother to be her friend. They talk a lot, she can share secrets with her, get emotional support, a wise piece of advice. There is mutual understanding between the two women. Girls who have healthy relationships with their mothers develop as harmonious, confident, personalities able to be loving and caring in relation to others.

But very often, mothers fail to be good parents for their daughters. There are different situations that make them emotionally distant from their kids. Some mothers have to work hard to provide for their kids (if the other parent is absent or unreliable), so they spend most of their time working several jobs. As a result, their small kids don’t get enough of her attention, and the bond between them weakens. Those women who are reserved and emotionally detached by themselves have difficulties communicating with their children. Their emotional coldness doesn’t allow them to develop a close connection between them and their daughters. Their insecurities prevent them from having deep and sincere conversations about important things.

The way a mother treats a father is exemplary for a daughter. She sees how a woman should behave towards a man. If she gets a corrupted image of a man-woman relationship, it affects her relationships with men.

Signs of mommy issues

What are the mommy issues symptoms? If you spot some of the following in your girlfriend, she might be affected by mommy issues.

Insecurities

Happy and confident are those people that were loved and admired by their parents in their childhood. If a girl didn’t feel loved, she experiences a lack of confidence when she grows up. If the mother was a controlling and dominating person, if she didn’t praise her daughter for small and big accomplishments, but mostly criticized, reproached, or ignored, the daughter grows up into an insecure adult.

Trust issues

It’s difficult for girls with mommy issues to make new friends. If she had to deserve her mother’s love rather than was loved unconditionally, she will always doubt her relations with other people. If one moment her mother was tender and caring, and several hours after were shouting at her and scolding for no reason, a girl experienced fear and uncertainty. As an adult, she can’t totally trust people who treat her well, as she apprehends that their behavior will change out of the blue and she’ll suffer.

Inability to establish an emotional connection

When a daughter seeks the mother’s attention and love, but her mother ignores her, she does her best to somehow deserve it by pleasing the parent. She chooses the same strategy in her adult life when she builds relationships with female friends and maintains romantic relationships with men. She often asks herself whether her friend is her real friend. She has problems with saying no or gets so clingy that it repels people. A lack of trust results in the fear of emotional intimacy. A woman is afraid to open up to her partner because of the fear of not being understood. Some girls get defensive and detached, some are sensitive and dependent. Since they are unable to establish strong bonds, they stay closed for their partners. And without trust, it’s impossible to establish an emotional bonding.

Avoiding profound relationships

Women that show the signs of mommy issues want to be loved and happy in a relationship. But, at the same time, they are afraid of entering a relationship. They are afraid that it won’t work out, and they will be left feeling frustrated and miserable. Usually, that fear is stronger than their desire to be in a loving relationship. As a result, such women choose to avoid relationships craving them deep down.

Self-reflection and sensitiveness

The emotional experiences we get in our childhood have a great impact on how we react to certain things in adulthood. Those daughters who were criticized and hurt emotionally by their mothers tend to overreact to what people say or do when they grow up. What was meant as friendly banter is perceived too seriously and is given too much thought.

Not many female friends

Girls with daddy issues gravitate more to female company, while one of the mommy issues signs is not having a lot of girlfriends. A girl with a mommy issue usually has one or two real friends, and those relationships are profound, as that girl doesn’t easily let people into her life.

Being a tomboy

One of the manifestations of mommy issues in females is that they are not into all those girly things. Since these girls have always preferred men’s company, it’s unlikely they watch sweet romantic comedies and wear pink clothes. During family gatherings, they rather play with kids or talk to male relatives rather than sit in the company of women.

Feminist views

She is not instilled gender stereotypes simply because of her upbringing. Her mother wasn’t a perfect example of a gender role, so the idea of equality appeals to her most. She doesn’t want to be a housewife, she is not obsessed with the idea of becoming a mother.

Finding it hard to express her emotions

Just because she has never been close with her mother, she doesn’t have the experience of revealing what she feels inside. It can be quite damaging for her romantic relationships, as there comes the moment when the two loving people talk about their feelings. In terms of mommy issues psychology, women choose to take the “I don’t care” attitude in order not to appear vulnerable. But it only ruins their relationships, because building a healthy relationship is about showing care and not being afraid of revealing your feelings for the partner.

How to deal with women with mommy issues

If you spot the signs of mommy issues in your girlfriend, you can try to help her overcome her insecurities. Yet, when it comes to healing childhood wounds, only deep self-analysis and own desire to sort everything out can be effective. Sometimes professional help of a psychologist may be needed if a woman looks for ways how to deal with mommy issues.

A lot of women with mother issues decide to be not like their mothers but end up treating their men the way their mothers treated their fathers. Since a woman didn’t have a paragon of a healthy relationship and woman’s role in it, it can be hard for her to build a harmonious relationship of her own. Some girls find maternal models to follow in other women, such as their teachers, grandmothers, or friends. And they manage to cope with their mommy issues.

If you happen to date a daughter of unloving mother, you should be aware of the issues she experiences when building intimate relationships with men. Hope this article shed the light on mommy issues signs in females, so you can figure it out. What can you do as her boyfriend? First, decide whether this woman is worth fighting for. If you want to be with her, talk about her worries. Have that frank conversation that will make her open up to you. Reassure her that she can count on you, that you’ll be always there for her. You should also keep in mind that her issues can be overcome only if she decides to analyze her relations with the mother and understand how they are affecting her life. Do your best to make your relationship work, but if you see that there is no improvement on her side, maybe she is not ready for a relationship.