What are you most insecure about

What are you most insecure about?

MusicBird

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chickydoda

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Physical- insecure about my weight, my height, my teeth, my reoccurring conjunctivitis, someone seeing me naked, my eyes (I have a droopy eyelid sometimes, but only on one side), my boobs (ones like a whole cup size smaller than the other one! awkward!) and I’m scared I will never be smaller than a certain dress size because of my body frame.

Socially- wonder why people don’t like me/ignore me/get offended when I wasn’t trying to be offensive, don’t like being thrown into groups of people unless I know the majority of them, hate being the new girl, hate being asked questions about my current state of education and employment because I have nothing to say, hate having my photo taken because the majority of people make me look horrible.

Mentally- wonder if I am crazy

The future- wonder if I’ll ever have a job, if anyone will ever date/marry me, if I’ll ever have kids, scared I’ll get cancer or something.

Spiritually- scared I’m leading people astray, wasting my life, that I may not get into heaven, that I won’t make it through end times.

Its a big scary world lol.

strawberryLola

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Growing up, I always felt I had a general sense of self-control, especially being that it when it was just my mom and I, and I’d always have to watch our backs. One of my most insecure feelings are that I won’t be able to financially make it in this world. I do not want to depend on others to take care of me, because I had to do that myself as a kid. So, a sense of failure when I know I am really passionate in doing something, and at the same time, having that sense of life stability as a female in today’s society.

Knowing our weaknesses helps us to build upon our own strengths.

Kitagawa Megumi

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GoodOldDreamer

Fu Dominant

At this point in my life, my only major insecurity is getting close to someone, even just as a friend, and then getting rejected by that person, for any reason. If people I don’t particularly know reject me, oh well, it’s their loss. If people I interact with and feel even remotely close to do though, then it’s my loss, and I feel it deeply. And I hate rejection. I loathe it. And I don’t take it very well.

But that’s the INFJ in me, I suppose.

INFJ type 9w1, 2w1, 5w6 and sp/sx

digitalceremony

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socially- I’m insecure:

— have horrible episodes of feeling like the world is about to end and I’ll die alone, lasting for an hour or two everyday
— question whether there is something seriously wrong with me
— insecure about my intelligence occasionally

— insecure about truly being myself in front of people; if they mocked me for it then I feel like I would die painfully inside
— that I’ll never get a job
— or that I will have to settle for one I don’t like/won’t ever get to do what I love
— that I’ll never truly be happy
— that the world is getting worse and worse so it’ll be especially terrible by the time I’m an adult
— that when I’m an adult I won’t be able to handle the rising expenses and the depression of adulthood and it will drive me to suicide
— that I’ll never meet someone I can trust and relate to
— also that when I’m no longer a young girl/woman nobody will give a shit about me or want to know me.

“Life must be rich and full of loving—it’s no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone.”
― Jack Kerouac

ardentauthor

Banned

I’m insecure about. pretty much everything. I don’t like my appearance, my voice, my personality, etc. I have a fear of public speaking even though I love doing it. I worry that I won’t be able to control my emotions. I worry that if I share my true opinions I might lose the only few friends I have. And I worry that I’ll never truly be understood.

Wow, that makes me sound really unstable. I’m actually a fairly happy person.

» The greatest happiness is to know the source of unhappiness.»

«Loneliness is the most terrible poverty. «

«You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. «

MusicBird

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MusicBird

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unico

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Physical- my height (am I too short?), my weight (am I chubby or too thin?), my waist (do I look pregnant?), my skin (my skin tone isn’t even and I have moles)

Socially- Do people like me? How do I get people to like me? If people know the sordid details about my life will they still like me? Am I too socially immature and impossible to relate to? Am I too mean and judgmental? Am I boring to talk to or weird?

Mentally- Am I defective in some way? Do I have learning disorders? Will people look down on me for being autistic? Am I a slow thinker?

The future- Will I always have enough money and a safe place to live? Will I always have enough support? Will my talents lead to some success? Will my relationships continue to be successful? Will I build more relationships? Will I be happy? Will I be more psychologically stable?

Spiritually- Will I still feel close to God? Will I feel less worried about death and the future? Will I feel like everything has a purpose and reason? Will I feel at peace? Will I feel like I know the purpose of my life?

SLeigh

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Introversion (I): ||||||||||||||||||||||| 90.63%
Extroversion (E): || 9.38%

Theclassof2014

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Big Five Test Results
Extroversion (72%)
Accommodation (66%)
Orderliness (34%)
Emotional Stability (66%)
Inquisitiveness (62%)
Your Global5/SLOAN type is SCUAI
Your Primary type is Social

Cerebro

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«It is easy enough to be friendly to one’s friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.»
Mohandas Ghandi

DDrokenss

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«A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others.»

-Father Zossima (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)

OrangeAppled

MOTM Dec 2011

chickydoda

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Mulberries

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TPlume

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I find this thread interesting, even though I dont really belong here. It’s a good time to confess I guess. Anhow the list:

1) I’m insecure about showing my insecurites: I know I’m not perfect but I almost always show my good side, be ideal and all. I sorta feel the ‘plain’ me is a bit ugly :/ It just happens automatically that I don’t think I’m ever myself with anyone. lost in a way.

2) I’m insecure about blowing my mask: It’s related to (1) that I’ve found it extremely difficult to get close to anyone, and I get really uncomfortable when someone get’s too close. basically I’m afraid of being myself and also afraid that I’ll ever be ‘real’ with anyone.

3) About being helpless in a given situation. It’s one of those things I’m afraid of, being right in the middle unable and losing something. it’s useful in a way, cos it motivates me to improve however I can.

4) Of not being good enough. I really hate this one, being seen ineffective/inadequate/worthless.

Those apply to a wide range of things, but they seem short when summarized lol

dilnaj

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I’m mainly insecure about how people think about me. I’m too scared asked to ask any girls out because I MIGHT get rejected. I’m too scared to talk up, unless it’s something I really care about, when in a social setting.

Also the occasional worthyness issue.

Bobrobob

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Ohohoh now this is my playground. All kidding aside:

I relate with a lot of you on these insecurities.

My physical traits: Fully grown male only 5’4, and babyfaced so I get perceived as a mid teenager when I’m in my mid 20s. My skin is bad and no matter how much I wash my face and use meds I always get that annoying blemish or w/e.

Mental traits: I keep to myself a lot, even more so when I’m feeling insecure, and it leaves me feeling lonely on a lot of days which feeds more insecurity. I can’t get past a feeling of people judging me whenever I try and talk to them. It feels like I’m trying to swim against a current, and I usually end up wishing I had given them more of a conversation. Always questioning whats to be in the future and if I’ll ever find my proverbial Nirvana. People have really high expectations of me because of my computer skills and high IQ, but I feel they are being too pushy on me and not giving me enough freedom/space.

Romantically: My constant drive for self improvement always makes me feel like no matter how hard I improve myself there will always be one more level of improvement required to find that perfect mate. I have this firm belief that women are the greatest thing on this earth and I’m not worthy enough to be in their presence. but it’s the one thing I want most, that special one person you share a deep bond with and express your deepest feelings with, and they accept you for you who are. My types tendency to not pursue meaningless relationships makes me end up alone and just wanting a hug. That’s a bit of self esteem issue I guess but I’ve read my type is overly perfectionistic, so that could explain my way of thinking.

My ultimate insecurity: Fear of rejection. I’m far too internally judgmental for my own good. I don’t like to beat myself up for no reason but my thoughts usually wander that way after a bad experience.

Why Are People Insecure?

Anyone can be insecure – whether that is towards a colleague, a friend, or even in a relationship.

But what makes people insecure? We asked 8 experts to share their insights.

Sal Raichbach PsyD, LCSW

Licensed Psychologist, Ambrosia Treatment Center

The root cause of all insecurity is fear, and it’s shaped by our past experiences

Feelings of worthlessness as a child usually carry over into adulthood, impacting our self-perception and how we interact with others. It doesn’t matter if these interactions are actually detrimental.

Self-esteem is based on our reactions to these relationships and the world around us, so the perception matters more than the reality. We use these reactions to form an understanding of the world around us, which is why insecure people tend to be uneasy and anxious.

Rather than try to hide these insecurities, one should try to overcome them. It’s not an easy task, but the payoff is a sense of peace and comfort. The effort is always worth it in the long run.

Christianne Kernes

Licensed Therapist | Co-Founder, LARKR

Insecurities in a relationship are common, especially for younger people who may not have as much experience navigating romantic relationships.

However, insecurities can occur in a relationship at any age. Jealousy is a common reoccurring insecurity that can come in many different forms. A partner may be jealous about the amount of time you’re spending with other people, they may be jealous of your career or income, or they could even be jealous of your family.

Fear may also spark insecurities. Perhaps the fear that you are not good enough for them. This usually stems from one’s experience from previous relationships where trust was lost.

Like any situation, overcoming insecurities can look different for each person.

If you feel that you are the one that is often insecure in the relationship, focus on what is making you feel that way and how you can best explain that to your partner.

Don’t be ashamed of feeling jealous, just find a way to express your feelings without being hostile or aggressive. If you feel as though your partner is insecure in the relationship, calmly ask them what is bothering them and how you can work together so that you both feel more secure about one another.

Most importantly, before entering a relationship, work on loving and caring for yourself so that when you are in a relationship you are comfortable with your own self.

Author | Post-Trauma Coach | PR Consultant

Insecurity starts in the home, with your primary caretakers

Many people these days would like to blame these things on TV and social media projecting unrealistic and altered images as a heavy contributor to today’s self-esteem issues. This is incorrectly discredited over and over again.

Primary care providers, whether that be a mother, father, or both, are your first subject of reference when it comes to things like morals, ethics, and matters of the heart.

Young people learn how to love themselves by witnessing us loving ourselves as we are and loving them unconditionally.

Read related article: 12 Best Self Love Books

Kids that have been thoroughly nurtured regardless of what they look like, their athletic capabilities and even educational abilities, find self-worth in knowing that they are enough.

They are not enough based on what they look like or enough based on their achievements. They are simply enough.

Their caretakers tell them how beautiful they are. They place importance on how you treat people, not simply how they look. Share the fact that a person is more attractive based on their behavior, not their financial status or external appearance.

To solidify this point, these same parents must display this point by not spending more time on their own image and looks to a point that they neglect their kids. When superficial things take the place of time with your kids, they internalize it.

They take it personally and start to believe that they are missing something. Maybe if they were prettier or smarter they would get the time and attention that their heart desires from their parents.

In my book, A Child’s Memories of Cartoons & Murder, I talk about being a young child, watching my mother get dolled up to go out. She was a beauty. I enjoyed watching her change from one dress to another, shape her eyebrows and blot her lipstick to make sure that it’s not too thick.

I would then cry and watch her walk out of the door, knowing that I would not see her until the next day if that. I grew up thinking that I was not worthy. My father not being around did not help at all.

I had deep insecurities thinking that he may have been around if I was prettier if my skin was lighter if my hair was longer. It was not until far into my 30’s that I was able to grasp that I was not the problem and that I was enough.

As a parent, I practiced my belief that pouring into your children would minimize any insecurities that the world would place upon them.

When their foundation is strong enough, they can fight through those things that allow them to cast doubt on themselves. They know, believe and live in the premise that they are enough and capable of whatever it is that they desire to accomplish. So far, I have not been wrong.

Certified Life Coach

We don’t know how to do something or because we don’t measure up to others

It can be so easy to feel insecure. To feel like there is something wrong with us, to feel that lack of confidence.

Why do we feel that way?

Well, we often think it’s because of who we are – it’s our personality, or it’s because we don’t know how to do something, or because we don’t measure up to others.

But that isn’t the source. And believing that feeling insecure is just something that happens to us, or that it is just a descriptor of who we are, only sets us up to feel worse.

Instead, we need to know where insecurity truly comes from. It’s a feeling. And, all of our feelings stem from our thoughts about ourselves.

To understand why we are insecure, we must understand what thoughts we are having that are leading to that insecurity. Once you identify those thoughts, the next step is to realize that a thought – is just a thought.

Often times our brains buy into them automatically, just assuming that they’re true. But really, thoughts are just sentences in our brain that our brain uses to try and make sense of the world. If you are feeling insecure, there is a thought you are thinking and believing that is leading you to feel that way.

Often times, we think and believe those thoughts for so long, they become a habit. And they become the default way our brain thinks about ourselves, leading us to feel chronically insecure.

But there is a way out. You don’t have to feel that way. instead of buying into that thought that leads you to feel insecure, question it. Ask yourself, how is the exact opposite of this thought true?

In what ways am I already a secure, confident person? Your brain will find the evidence for you. And you can begin to undo the habit of believing thoughts that lead you to feel insecure.

Relationship Life Coach, Studio City, Ca.

It is due to the relationship they have established to themselves

I believe that people are insecure for many reasons and the primary one for most is due to the relationship they have established to themselves.

When a person grows up hearing messages that they are less than ideal (or worse) from primary caregivers, peers, family, clergy, and/or anyone in a position of authority they tend to unconsciously believe they are damaged on a deep level.

This unconscious belief colors everything they do in life and it is extremely painful. Sometimes it is wiring in the brain that makes a person insecure, and sometimes it is learned behavior.

Narcissists are ironically some of the most insecure people you will meet.

They have an unshakable belief that they are worthless which is what causes them to bully others etc. They must at all costs protect their belief that they have little value from being found out. In the case of the narcissist, it is wiring in the brain more than the environment.

For the ‘learned” behavior of a formerly verbally and emotionally abused person, however, the insecurity is reversible with therapy and self-care. For the wired behavior not too much.

Paul Levin

Founder and Owner, I Deserve A Perfect Life

It came from fears–mostly about the future

Insecurity, being insecure, means that one has a lack of a feeling of security in one’s self.

Where did this lack of security come from? It came from fears, mostly about the future. It comes from beliefs, that repeatedly echo in our minds, “things won’t work out.”

What if, you told yourself that everything will work out perfectly? What if you did that so often, for so long and with such conviction, that you began to believe it? Would things change in your life, to support your new beliefs?

Yes, they would! You would find yourself having experiences that confirm the source of your security and its ability to handle anything. That source is you.

Caleb Backe

Health and Wellness Expert, Maple Holistics

We are our own harshest critics

To feel better about yourself, stop looking at others. Insecurity is normal, but that doesn’t make it fun. So why does it happen in the first place? It’s because we are our own harshest critics.

Oftentimes, we see others appearing happy and confident without realizing that they are just as unsure of themselves as we are. So, we hold ourselves to the perfect standards which others unwittingly create, and then we feel unsure of ourselves when we are unable to meet them.

But these insecurities do not just come from people that we know. It comes from magazines with impossibly-beautiful pictures of celebrities, characters on television shows, and alumni newsletters listing lofty achievements of peers.

Seeing people’s accomplishments, whether real or fake, without seeing any of their struggles, is sure to make any person wonder about their own life.

Last Modified: May 26, 2022 by Cynthia Wilson | This post may contain affiliate links for products we love and suggest.

A quick web search regarding the most common insecurities among women yields some interesting, and perhaps disturbing results. The most common answers, by far, all involve a girl’s appearance in one way or another (as a matter of fact, it’s difficult to even track down any other type of insecurity). The other type of insecurity which easily rears its head is the type involving insecurities in her relationship; in other words, her worries about what a man thinks of her.

Women’s Most Common Insecurities

The 4 main types of insecurities are:

7 Most Common Female Physical Insecurities

First of all, let’s take a quick run through the list of insecurities regarding physical appearance (but be warned: if you do not like what you are about to read, just remember that I am only summarizing what, according to the Internet, are the top insecurities of women and why):

Now, I sincerely hope that any woman reading this list of their apparent insecurities is really angry right now.

I honestly cannot believe that even nowadays this is the picture of women that is being suggested by their insecurities. The above would suggest that women are all worried about looking like celebrities and models; want nothing more than to be desired sexually by men; and finally that this is all well and good because it’s based on evolution. True, insecure women are often very hard on themselves.

If you’re mad now, though, the next few insecurities women apparently have regarding dating are going to make you even madder.

List of dating and relationship insecurities

The next most commonly listed female insecurities are about dating:

It would seem from the points above that there is just no pleasing women, that you can’t live with them, you can’t blah blah blah.

Oh, women! These points about dating women, about how to reassure them that they are sexy but not only sexy and on the whole that they are wanted by men, were obviously written by men. They are basically tips for men on how to calm the insecure and frivolous creature called woman; feel free to stop at this point to spit if you like.

The insecurities above, sadly, are those which are by far most frequently listed; and as I said, there are very few others that make any appearance at all.

Money and Career Insecurities

The following two insecurities do make a very small appearance (more of a walk-on than a speaking role):

In these last two, finally, we are no longer insulting women, and are placing them on an equal footing with men right?

Wrong. It’s true that men are also insecure about money and their careers (and actually, it is true that they are insecure about all of the other things listed above as well), but this isn’t enough to say that these last two insecurities are no longer insulting.

The statuses associated with how much money you make, and how respected your career is, are illusions, every bit as much as the long-legged blonde turquoise-eyed model/celebrity described above.

Creative and Intellectual Insecurity

The following two things are rarely mentioned which, certainly, some women are insecure about:

Without question women are insecure about the reception of their paintings, or of their newest novel; without question, they are insecure about their intellectual grasp of the notion of the Big Other, or the Preface to the Phenomenology of Spirit.

Why then, does a web search on this issue suggest that women care only about their bodies and about pleasing men? You should be angry, or, you should submit more content on the internet about what real women are really concerned about if only to try to beat back all of the meaningless spam about breast size and so on.

What are your biggest or most common insecurities? Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s talk about this.

6 Steps for Overcoming Insecurity and for Regaining Your Self-Confidence

What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly. – Carl Rogers

Are Your Insecurities Holding You Back?

Do you sometimes feel as though you have all the potential in the world, but for one reason or another you keep holding yourself back?

You have a vivid imagination and can visualize endless possibilities. In your mind’s eye, no goal is seemingly out of reach. But for some reason, in the real world, you just can’t seem to get yourself to do all the things you imagine. It’s as if something is holding you back from living life in an optimal way.

So, what is it? What is this thing that holds us back from tapping into our full potential? Well, it’s actually often not one single thing, but a multitude of things that come together to form the bedrock of all our insecurities.

What it Means to Feel Insecure

When we feel insecure about something, we are unable to fully trust ourselves at that moment. And without trust, there’s a shadow of uncertainty. This leads to hesitant behavior where we struggle to take decisive action toward a desired outcome.

Because of our insecurities, we tend to live with excessive anxiety and paranoia. We avoid taking proactive action and judge ourselves harshly when our lofty expectations are not realized.

While riddled with insecurity, we form unhealthy attachments to others. We use people as a platform to boost our own self-esteem. We rely on them to build our self-worth. Moreover, we secretly hope and pray that they will bring the best out of us. But time and again people let us down, and this just plunges us deeper down our insecurity spiral.

But why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

You feel insecure because you make irrational interpretations about yourself or about your ability to get something done. These interpretations stem from irrational beliefs that create a false reality about how you or things ought to be in particular situations.

You might, for instance, expect perfection from yourself. However, actual reality is very different than imagined reality. You simply cannot live up to those kinds of expectations, and you, therefore, succumb to the fact that you’re just not good enough.

When you feel “not good enough” this leads to a lack of trust. You just don’t trust yourself. You feel unworthy and incapable of fully being yourself when around other people. You worry about being judged, rejected or criticized. This paranoia holds you back from reaching your full potential. You struggle with low self-esteem and cannot live the life you actually want.

However, as insecure as you are, you certainly don’t want the entire world to know about it. And so you compensate in other ways to hide your flaws and shortcomings.

For instance, because you lack confidence you naturally compensate by acting cocky and arrogant in social settings. You might, for example, be excessively competitive, or maybe incredibly selfish, or even overly critical of others. These behaviors are, of course, not the real you. The only reason you indulge in these kinds of behaviors is to hide your insecurities and flaws behind a veil of arrogance. However, inside you are desperately crying out for help.

If, however, arrogance doesn’t drive your behavior, then you might come across as being very defensive and combatant. In such instances, you tend to blame people for your problems, or you may simply judge them unfairly. Furthermore, you’re very aggressive and get aroused by jealousy very easily.

Again, all these behaviors are not the real you. You are simply acting out to hide your insecurities. You don’t want the world to see the “flawed” you, and so you act out in these ridiculous ways to compensate for all your inadequacies.

I suspect that you would agree that this is no way to live. You can’t spend a lifetime living behind a veil trying to cover up your true authentic self. Yes, you possibly have several shortcomings and flaws, but we all do. Some people have even learned to embrace their insecurities. In other words, they haven’t allowed their insecurities to hold them back from being their true selves.

It’s, however, not always easy to work through our insecurities. They are susceptible and fragile things. But there is actually a process you can follow that will help you to progressively overcome your insecurities. All you need to do is to commit to working through it step-by-step.

Six Steps for Overcoming Your Insecurities

What follows is a six-step process you can use that will help you to work through your insecurities. These are progressive steps, which means that it’s important to go through each step fully before moving onto the next step.

I am confident that this process will work for you. However, you need to first commit yourself to the process. Moreover, you need to commit to putting in time and effort into this process. Only in this way will you see results.

Step 1: Identify Your Insecurities

The first step is all about awareness. You need to identify the types of insecurities you typically struggle with. This will require uncovering irrational beliefs and unhelpful thoughts that are at the core of your insecurities.

Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

What exactly do I tend to feel insecure about?

What uncertainty exists that is making me feel insecure?

What worries or fears are making me feel insecure?

Why am I feeling insecure about these things?

What underlying irrational beliefs are at the core of these insecurities?

What unhelpful thinking styles are at the heart of these beliefs?

What is the root cause of all these insecurities?

This is all about peeling back the layers. The deeper you go, the better you will understand how you have come to develop these insecurities.

The root cause of your insecurities often stems from a cluster of memories you have held onto for many years. These memories influence your decisions and actions. And they are, of course, a result of past experience. However, your interpretation of those experiences is the determining factor in how you feel.

At the heart of these experiences are a set of limiting beliefs and/or unhelpful thoughts that you have chosen to adopt. You must first work through these areas to begin weeding out your insecurities.

Step 2: Practice Being Objective

It’s time now to challenge your insecurities.

Your insecurities are nothing more than interpretations you have made about yourself, others, circumstances, or about what will or won’t happen. On the surface, they are just opinions and perspectives you have latched onto.

To change our perspectives we need to challenge them in some way. In other words, we need to think more rationally and objectively about our insecurities. And that can be done by asking yourself the following set of questions:

Is this really how things are or just how I imagine them to be?

How could things be different to the way I am seeing and interpreting them?

Given my predicament, are my expectations realistic in this particular situation?

How else could I view or interpret this situation?

How else could I view myself and what I believe I’m capable of in this particular situation?

When you challenge yourself to think objectively, you start to question the validity of your experience. You throw doubt at the interpretations you have made and open the door to new possibilities and perspectives.

Step 3: Reflect on Your Successes

Your next step is to take a moment to reflect on your successes and accomplishments.

Have a think about all that you have done and successfully achieved over a lifetime. Consider the challenges you faced and how you overcame them.

Take into account the strengths that served you and the process you underwent to move through difficult moments that would otherwise have held you back. Ask yourself:

What have I excelled at in the past?

Why have I excelled at these things?

What strengths have helped me to excel in these areas?

What personal attributes were of value at the time?

How could I potentially bring that mindset into this situation?

Reflecting on your successes in this way helps put things in perspective. It reminds you that you are capable of working through difficulties in optimal ways. Moreover, it gives you the confidence and self-assurance needed to get through anything. As long as you bring those same strengths, attributes, and adopt the right mindset, anything is possible.

Step 4: Assess Your Circumstances

With a higher level of self-confidence at your disposal, you’re now ready to begin evaluating the nature of your circumstances.

When we feel insecure about something, we convince ourselves that things are going to be a certain way. Subsequently, we reflect on the worst case scenario, which forces us to retreat back into the safety of our comfort zone.

It’s difficult to take any form of proactive action when we’re riddled with uncertainty. What you therefore subsequently need is a little certainty.

Consider for a moment the worst case scenario and how you might potentially handle things. Consider also the best case scenario and what that might mean. And finally, reflect on the regrets that may result if you fail to overcome your insecurities. Ask yourself:

What’s the worst that could possibly happen if I take action despite my insecurities?

So what? Who cares? Things are probably not as bad as I make them out to be.

How could I potentially handle myself during this worst case scenario?

How could I possibly turn a horrible experience into an opportunity for something better?

What’s the best that could possibly happen if I take action to move beyond my insecurities?

What regrets might I have if I hold myself back and allow my insecurities to get the better of me?

The purpose of this step is to drop your guard — to let go of resistance. Moreover, it’s about exploring the possibilities and the regrets you will face if you refrain from taking action.

Step 5: Engage in Positive Self-Talk

It’s time now to prime your body and brain for action. One of the best ways to do this is to involve yourself in positive self-talk. For instance, repeat the following:

I am a confident and capable person…

I believe I can do this…

I will just take one small action to get the ball rolling…

I will learn from my mistakes and keep moving forward without hesitation…

The focus words here are “without hesitation.” The longer you take to decide whether or not you will take action, the more doubts will creep into your head and the more insecure you will feel.

This is where you just need to be decisive and use the power of momentum to get the ball rolling in a small way. What I mean by this is to just do something small that helps you move forward. This ain’t about finishing the race, it’s rather about going just a little further than before. That’s all it takes to start building momentum. 🙂

Step 6: Make a Full Commitment

The final step is to make a full blown commitment to overcoming your insecurities.

Making a commitment isn’t something you just do in your head. It’s rather something you adopt into your life.

To overcome your insecurities, you need to break away from old habits and patterns of behavior. You then need to replace those habits with empowering habits, daily rituals, and routines that support your goals and objectives. Moreover, you must condition a new set of beliefs that align with those habits. Only in this way will you acquire the mental strength and momentum needed to overcome your insecurities.

Guidelines for Overcoming Your Insecurities

Let’s now explore some further guidelines on how to begin working through our personal insecurities.

Just a heads-up that some of these guidelines will seem pretty straightforward. So much so that you may be tempted to disregard them entirely. However, when it comes to overcoming your insecurities, the smallest of things can make a huge difference. It’s therefore important that you commit yourself to working through each area progressively over time.

Practice Self-Acceptance

Practicing self-acceptance means fully accepting yourself despite your flaws, imperfections, and limitations.

Nobody is perfect, and expecting to be perfect will just lead to disappointment. We are all flawed in our own personal way. Instead of trying to hide those flaws, just accept how you are and embrace the person you have become.

This, of course, doesn’t mean that you should just accept your lack of knowledge, skill, or experience and just give up. No, that’s not what I mean. There is a difference between what can be changed and what must be accepted.

Change the things you can by committing yourself to self-improvement. However, for the things you can’t change, work on self-acceptance.

The same applies to any situation, problem or dilemma you face. There will be things you can change, and there will be other things that you must learn to accept. Understanding this difference is one of the keys to long-term happiness.

Finally, remember that even though you may not be perfect, that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy, undeserving, inadequate or incapable. Be grateful for who you are and for what you have become. Give yourself a little serving of self-compassion each day and do the best you can with what you have. 🙂

Accept that Everything is Subjective

We all have our own personal views about how things are and how they ought to be. How you feel about something is probably different to how I feel about something, and vice versa.

Everything is subjective. We interpret things our own way based on our past experience, beliefs, values, and expectations. It’s therefore not so much what happens to us that matters, but how we interpret those experiences.

Let’s try something. The next time you’re overcome with insecurity, get another opinion. Ask someone you trust to provide his/her perspective and interpretation of the situation. Ask them how they would respond in your shoes.

Possibly their perspective will differ to your own. This will prove to you that everything is subjective. And because it’s subjective, there is no right or wrong. It’s rather about the interpretations you make and ultimately how you respond that makes all the difference in the end.

Tame Your Inner Critic

One of the reasons we struggle to overcome our insecurities is because our critical voice opens a shop in our brain. It pitches a tent in the brain and starts selling us rubbish that we subscribe to without question. 😉

Yes, this voice does normally have very good intentions. It’s there to protect you from harm. However, protection comes with a cost. It costs you all the things you so desperately want in your life.

When this inner critic takes over, it convinces us that we’re just not good enough and that making mistakes will hurt us. But are these really truths? Well, it just depends. Our experience is after all subjective. It’s how we interpret things that matters, right? So, it, therefore, could be your truth, but at the same time, you have the power to create a new reality.

You hold the power to either subscribe to the rubbish your critical voice sells you, or to simply ignore it and walk away. The choice is yours to make.

Say YES More Often

The process of overcoming your insecurities is very much akin to flexing a muscle. As you continue to flex this muscle it strengthens and grows over time.

One of the best ways to overcome your insecurities is to say YES more often. Say YES to things that make you feel insecure. Say YES to new experiences and opportunities that force you to step out beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone. And say YES to all the things you feel uncertain about. Ask yourself:

What’s the worst that could happen if I say YES?

What’s the best that could happen if I say YES?

The more often you say YES to all these things, the more you strengthen your “insecurity” muscle. And the stronger it becomes, the more comfortable you will feel doing unfamiliar things that push you beyond what you thought was possible.

Focus on Becoming More Spontaneous

One of the best ways to train that “insecurity” muscle is to challenge yourself to live more spontaneously.

To live spontaneously means embracing a lighthearted nature, it means being more curious and adventurous. However, to live this way requires that you stop taking life so seriously.

Embrace joy, laughter, excitement and commit yourself to having fun. In fact, from time-to-time, why not make a fool of yourself? Embarrass yourself silly and learn to laugh at your goof-ups and mistakes. And then encourage others to do the same. 😉

Living life in this way will allow you the freedom to be yourself — to be your true authentic self. And living this way will provide you with the platform you need to overcome your insecurities.

Live by Your Own Rules and Standards

We often fall into the insecurity trap when we’re living by other people’s rules, standards, and expectations. We do this to impress others — to win them over. However, by trying to win other people over, we lose touch with what truly makes us happy.

Instead of living a life dictated by others, choose to write your own script. Set your own rules and personal standards for living, and then clearly define your personal boundaries. Use these boundaries as a deterrent that keeps people at a safe distance, so they don’t intrude on your happiness. Ask yourself:

How do I want to be treated by others?

What will I accept and won’t I accept?

What personal boundaries will I set that will give me the freedom to be myself?

This, of course, doesn’t mean that you should close yourself off from everyone around you. We all need special people in our lives.

You are the one who gets to choose how to set and when to set these boundaries. They are there to give you the personal space you need to be your true authentic self. They are also there to protect you from those people who constantly make you feel inadequate and insecure.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

One of the major obstacles you will face that will prevent you from overcoming your insecurities is the fact that you constantly keep comparing yourself to others.

When we compare ourselves to other people, we conclude that we either measure up or we don’t. When we measure up or surpass other people, this makes us feel powerful, confident, and strong. However, when we realize that we don’t quite measure up, that’s when our insecurities take over.

Comparing yourself to other people isn’t healthy. Everyone has their own unique set of experiences, skills, talents, abilities, and knowledge. Their strengths may not be your strengths. Likewise, your strengths may not be their strengths. It’s like comparing apples and bananas. They’re two different types fruits. There are no comparisons that go beyond that.

Okay, so let’s say you stop comparing yourself to others. That’s a great start. You will immediately find that a lot of your insecurities will wash away. But what now? How about making comparisons to ourselves, or to past performance? Well, that too can very quickly lead to insecurity phobia.

The key to letting go of all your insecurities is to make no comparisons. Just accept how you are and how things are at this very moment.

Commit to doing your very best in every situation, and leave it at that.

Remember, that your best will be different every time and is affected by your state of mind and unique circumstances. Therefore, don’t measure your best by what you did or failed to do in the past. The past no longer matters. What counts is what you did today. Measure what you’re capable of doing right now, and leave it at that.

Commit to Consistently Developing Yourself

One of the most effective ways for overcoming insecurity is to commit yourself to becoming a lifelong learner. This, of course, isn’t a quick fix for your insecurities. However, it is something that will play in your favor over the long-run.

When you commit yourself to becoming a lifelong learner, you take responsibility for developing your skills, for growing your knowledge, and for improving various aspects of your life.

As you learn and grow in this way, you naturally start feeling more confident, competent, and capable. And as you develop yourself in these key areas your insecurities typically begin to fade away without much effort. However, this process takes time, and you may not see visible results for a while. But as long as you stay committed, things will eventually pay off in the long-run.

Keep a Success Journal of Your Life’s Journey

Another long-term strategy that will pay off in the future is to keep a journal of your life’s journey.

Within this journal, you will keep track of all your personal successes and accomplishments. Moreover, you will list down all your positive qualities, attributes, and strengths that got you through challenging times.

Each day I suggest you take 5 minutes to journal how the day went and the positive qualities, attributes, and strengths that got you through that day. Moreover, list down all your successes and how they came about.

As you continue this daily journaling ritual, you will quickly find that it snowballs over time. All those positive things you wrote about will coalesce into a giant wave of confidence that pumps up your self-esteem and miraculously helps you to surmount all your insecurities.

Yes, this might seem too good to be true, but I assure you it will happen. It will just take time for your insecurities to progressively fade away. As long as you stick with it and stay consistent, that’s all that matters.

Concluding Thoughts

Having read through this guide, I hope you now understand what it takes to overcome your insecurities. It sure won’t be an easy process, and it could take a considerable amount of time. However, you have to start somewhere.

Begin by focusing on one single area of your life that you feel insecure about. Walk yourself through the six-step process and then begin incorporating some of the guidelines we discussed above. I guarantee you will see results. However, your long-term success hinges on how committed you are to follow through with this till the very end.

Be very careful though not to approach this halfheartedly. You need to be fully committed to making these changes. Only in this way will you progressively break free from your insecurities, and just maybe begin living up to your full potential. 🙂

Time to Assimilate these Concepts

Did you gain value from this article? Is it important that you know and understand this topic? Would you like to optimize how you think about this topic? Would you like a method for applying these ideas to your life?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I’m confident you will gain tremendous value from using the accompanying IQ Matrix for coaching or self-coaching purposes. This mind map provides you with a quick visual overview of the article you just read. The branches, interlinking ideas, and images model how the brain thinks and processes information. It’s kind of like implanting a thought into your brain – an upgrade of sorts that optimizes how you think about these concepts and ideas. 🙂

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