What does love to love mean

What does «love is love is love» mean?

Often hear it in connection to LGBT. Can anyone please explain what it means? I get the original version: «love is love» but I don’t understand the syntax of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s poem.

1 Answer 1

If you understand «love is love» then you’ll understand that «love is love is love» is the same but more assertive. In English, repetition increases emphasis. For example:

He was a man among men, among men.

means, «He was very, very manly.»

The meaning can vary with context. For example:

«Cake is cake», she said, «but I prefer pie.»

means that she feels cake is nothing special. If instead she said, «Cake is cake is cake,» it would only emphasize how uninterested she is in any kind of cake.

Sometimes this makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s one of those structures that works best when it’s unexpected, and not overused.

(Edit) The structure «X is X» is actually a kind of ellipsis, meaning that it’s short for a longer sentence, expression, concept, or thought. The words are left out because they’re obvious from context, or because (in this case) the expression version has more direct emotional impact.

For example, in the above example, «cake is cake» can be short for, «Cake is just the ordinary dessert ‘cake’ which I don’t really care for.»

The two of them are always fighting! I’ll never understand how they stay a couple, but what can you do? Love is love.

Here «love is love» could be a short, simple version of the more complex thought:

‘Love’ is a combination of many weird and inexplicable attractions which we collectively group as a single word, ‘love’ but we don’t really understand.

Again, the structure has no single meaning. You have to understand what the writer (or speaker) is trying to say. It should be obvious from context, but might sometimes require some understanding of current events.

With Miranda, you have to understand how the US is going through a painful political shift with this new Trump administration, which is leaving a lot of people feeling excluded or persecuted by religious fundamentalists who have been given a lot of power. It helps also to know about this event where after the show the stars of the very popular music «Hamilton» delivered a special message to (then) Vice-President-Elect Mike Pence, a very conservative Christian governor who has consistently voted against LGTQ rights, and who was in the audience that night.

So this version of «love is love is love is love etc.» has a lot of subtext.

Self-Love and What It Means

What is self-love?

Before a person is able to practice it, first we need to understand what it means.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.

What does self-love mean to you?

For starters, it can mean:

For many people, self-love is another way to say self-care. To practice self-care, we often need to go back to the basics and

Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first.

How and Why to Practice Self Love

So now we know that self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you hold yourself in high esteem, you’re more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being and serve you well. These things may be in the form of eating healthy, exercising or having healthy relationships.

Ways to practice self-love include:

Finally, to practice self-love, start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself, the way you would with someone else that you care about.

What Are the Five Love Languages?

Knowing your partner’s love language could strengthen your relationship

Sherri Gordon is a published author and a bullying prevention expert.

Adah Chung is a fact checker, writer, researcher, and occupational therapist.

Verywell / Alison Czinkota

The five love languages describe five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. Knowing your partner’s love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated. Author and pastor Gary Chapman describes how to use these love languages to show your partner you care for them in a way that speaks to their heart.

What Are the Five Love Languages?

Chapman’s book «The 5 Love Languages» was first published in 1992. Before writing the book, Chapman began to notice patterns in couples he was counseling. He realized that the couples were misunderstanding each other’s needs.

That led him to come up with five love languages, or ways that people in relationships express love. They are:

Words of Affirmation

«Words of affirmation» is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone’s primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement, uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person’s day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.

Quality Time

Someone with this love language wants undivided attention. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together. This means putting down the cell phone, turning off the computer, making eye contact, and actively listening.

People with this love language are looking for quality over quantity.

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Acts of service are nice things you do for your partner that make them feel loved and appreciated, such as:

If your partner’s main love language is acts of service, they’ll notice and appreciate little things you do for them. They tend to perform acts of service and kindness for others, too.

Receiving Gifts

For someone who uses and responds to this love language, gift-giving indicates love and affection. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it.

People who enjoy receiving gifts as part of their primary love language do not necessarily expect large or expensive presents; it’s more the effort and thoughtfulness behind the gift that count.

When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.

How to Identify Your Love Language

In a relationship, do you feel more loved when your partner:

Answering these questions could give you a hint as to what your love language might be. You could also try to recall the sorts of things you ask for in a relationship or consider how you express love to your partner. Chapman also offers an online 30-question quiz to help you determine your dominant love language.

Your partner’s love language might not be the same as yours. When couples have different primary love languages, there are bound to be misunderstandings. However, if your partner learns to speak your love language (and you, theirs), they will likely feel loved, appreciated, and, ultimately, happier in the relationship.

How Love Languages Benefit Relationships

We all express and receive love differently. Learning and understanding those differences can have a meaningful impact on your relationship. According to Chapman, this is one of the simplest ways to improve your relationships. Here are some other ways learning your respective love languages could be beneficial.

Love Languages Promote Selflessness

When you are committed to learning someone else’s love language, you are focused on their needs rather than your own. This is the central premise of Chapman’s theory. Couples should work to learn their partner’s love language rather than trying to convince their partner to learn theirs. Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other.

The entire purpose of exploring your love languages together is to learn how to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them.

Love Languages Create Empathy

As you learn more about how your partner experiences love, you learn to empathize with them. It helps you step outside of yourself for a moment and take a look at what makes another person feel significant and loved.

When couples are committed to learning and using the love languages, they increase their emotional intelligence and learn how to put someone else’s needs above their own. Instead of speaking their own love language to their partner, they learn how to speak in a language that their partner understands.

Love Languages Help Maintain Intimacy

Regularly talking about what keeps your love tanks full can build more understanding—and ultimately, intimacy—in your relationship. You’ll not only learn more about one another, but you’ll also connect in deeper, more significant ways. When this happens, your relationship feels more intimate.

A 2016 review published in the Global Journal of Health Science concluded that improving communication skills can aid intimacy in a marriage.

Love Languages Aid Personal Growth

Focusing on something or someone outside of yourself can lead to personal growth. Loving your partner in ways that are outside your comfort zone forces you to grow and change, and to look outside yourself.

Love Languages Help You Share Love in Meaningful Ways

When couples start speaking one another’s love language, the things they do for each other become more intentional and meaningful. They are saying «I love you» in ways that make sense to their partners, who then feel noticed, content, and appreciated.

Love Languages in Everyday Life

According to Chapman, love languages also apply to relationships between parents and children, among coworkers, and among friends. For example, if your child’s primary love language is words of affirmation, they’d like to hear verbal praise or, «I love you.» It’s highly individual: A coworker might feel more appreciated if you use one love language instead of another.

Your love language can also change occasionally. For instance, if you had a bad day at work, you might prefer a hug from your partner rather than an encouraging word.

The key is to regularly communicate and ask what your partner needs to feel cherished, heard, appreciated, and loved. Then, put this into practice.

Criticisms of the Love Language Theory

Though learning the love languages helps many people communicate better with their partners, there are limitations to the theory and how people apply it to their relationships.

Many People Misuse the Languages

Some people get a bit competitive about using love languages, which can actually strain a relationship. For example, partners might start keeping track of all the times they use their partner’s love language and compare it to how many times their partner used theirs.

Love languages can be a way to open up communication and compassion, but you shouldn’t use them as games or weapons against your partner. Some people continue to use their own language (instead of their partner’s) to show they care—and that’s OK.

You can be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your love language. Try to be understanding and open. You can recognize and appreciate your partner’s actions even if they don’t match your own language perfectly.

They Don’t Fix Other Relationship Problems

The five love languages won’t fix all of your relationship issues; they are simply one tool of many you can use to improve communication with your partner.

Research shows that couples who use each other’s love languages feel the happiest within their relationships when they also use self-regulation tools to handle their own emotions. While the love languages were a tool, the couples’ accountability for their emotions and behavioral changes contributed the most to their overall happiness.

Your love language can change, too. It’s important to accept and expect that love languages can change over time, especially given life stressors or major changes such as having children.

They May Lead to Pressure on Partners

Many people talk about love languages in the context of committed relationships or marriage. Remember that learning and understanding your own love language is an important tool for you to practice self-love.

You want to avoid putting too much pressure on your partner to consistently express your love language to you.

One study found that the biggest obstacle for couples who were using each other’s love languages was that the recipient often didn’t recognize that their partner was trying to use their love language. It’s crucial that the recipient recognizes their partner’s efforts, even if they don’t exactly meet expectations.

Press Play for Advice On Cultivating Self-Love

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring actress KJ Smith, shares how to cultivate self-love. Click below to listen now.

They Perpetuate Heteronormativity

Chapman’s original model focuses on heterosexual couples even though the theory can apply to any partnership regardless of their sexual orientation. If you’re reading «The 5 Love Languages» and you aren’t in a heterosexual relationship or you aren’t heteronormative, it might feel frustrating to be excluded from the text.

What is heteronormativity?

Heteronormativity is the assumption that all people are straight and that romantic and sexual relationships are always between one man and one woman. It assumes that heterosexuality is the default sexual orientation and that it’s the only normal or natural way to express sexuality and attraction.

A Word From Verywell

Once you and your partner know each other’s love language, you both can benefit. Speaking your partner’s love language can take a bit of effort and intention, though, especially if it is different from yours. Remember, healthy relationships aren’t born; they’re developed through attention and effort.

The good news is that you can enhance your relationship by learning your partner’s love language and putting it into practice. And, if you both are committed to loving one another in the ways that speak to both of you, you will find yourself not only deeper in love, but also in a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

In 1997, Gary Chapman wrote a book with Ross Campbell, MD, about how the five love languages can apply to children as well. In it, he describes methods of observing which love language your child may resonate with. There is also a quiz that a parent can take on behalf of their child. It is available on the Five Love Languages website.

The easiest way to determine your partner’s love language is to have them take the quiz. You could also consider what they ask for or do most in a relationship. Do they frequently bring you thoughtful gifts? Or tell you they love you? This could be a hint as to what their love language might be.

The 5 Love Languages® And What They Mean

Sometimes it can be hard to understand our partners. They do say opposites attract, but at times, it can feel like they are from a different planet! So how do we really connect with them if they are so different?

That’s where the 5 Love Languages can have such a powerful impact on your relationship.

The five love languages describe the way we feel love and appreciation. Depending on your personality, you may feel love differently than how your partner does. Understanding and decoding these different ways of showing love will help take the guesswork out of your partner’s expectations and needs.

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. These love languages are present in romantic relationships, and we even see them within our families, friendships, and leadership roles!

Want to connect and laugh more with your partner? Check out these conversation starters and date night games!

What is your primary love language? Take the quiz!

To find out what your primary love language is, take THIS QUIZ with your partner.

The Words of Affirmation love language expresses love with words that build your partner up and make them feel appreciated. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest praises can be the most effective.

«That dress looks incredible on you!»

«You always make me laugh.»

«I love your hair today.»

A few words can make a world of difference if your partner has this love language. Compliments and an «I love you» can go a long way. On the other hand, hostile or insulting comments can hurt your partner, and it may take them longer to forgive than others.

If your partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, make sure to have an open line of communication with them.

Learn more about the Words of Affirmation love language!

Your partner might have the Acts of Service as their primary love language if their motto is «Actions speak louder than words.»

This love language focuses on specific actions that show you care and understand your partner. Cooking a meal, doing the laundry, and picking up their prescription on your way home from work are all acts of service. They require thought, time, and effort.

You should do all these acts with positivity and your partner’s ultimate happiness in mind for them to be considered an expression of love. Doing something purely out of obligation or with a negative tone will not mean as much and can even sometimes hurt your partner.

Learn more about the Acts of Service love language!

Want to connect and laugh more with your partner? Check out these conversation starters and date night games!

The Receiving Gifts love language isn’t necessarily materialistic. It just means that a meaningful or thoughtful gift makes your partner feel loved and appreciated. Something as simple as picking up a pint of their favorite ice cream after a long work week can make a huge impact.

The most important part of the gift is the thought and meaning behind it. The right gift can show your partner that you listen and understand them, making them feel loved and appreciated.

Learn more about the Receiving Gifts love language!

This love language is all about undivided attention. No televisions, no

This love language is all about undivided attention. No televisions, no smartphones, or any other distractions. If this is your partner’s primary language, they don’t just want to be included during this time; they want to be the center of your attention. They want their partners to look at them and them only.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t curl up on the couch to watch Netflix or HBO; it just means that you need to make sure to dedicate time together without all of the distractions. That will help them feel comforted and appreciated at the moment.

Every time you cancel a date, postpone time together or aren’t present during your time together, it can be exceedingly hurtful to your partner as it can make them feel like you care more about other things or activities than them.

Learn more about the Quality Time love language!

The Physical Touch love language can often be confused for purely being sexual. But in fact, it is more about intimacy. To people with this love language, nothing is more impactful than the physical touch of their partner. They aren’t necessarily into over-the-top PDA, but they feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc.

If Physical Touch is your partner’s primary love language, they will feel unloved without physical contact. They want to feel you close by, not just emotionally but physically. All of the words and gifts in the world won’t change that.

Learn more about the Physical Touch love language!

Want to connect and laugh more with your partner? Check out these conversation starters and date night games!

Summary of the 5 Love Languages

There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each one is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning your partner’s and your own primary love language will help create a stronger bond in your relationship.

Are you ready to find out more about your love language?

Stoicism And Love: What Does Love Mean To The Stoics?

Stoics often get portrayed as ones being incapable of falling in love. The popular imagination sees them as emotionless people who resist falling in love for the fear that it will lead them to things that contradict their philosophy.

However, that is wrong. Stoicism and love are not incompatible or conflicting concepts, and Stoics can love.

In the first chapter of his book Meditations, Marcus Aurelius (121 – 180 CE) describes the Stoic ideal to be free of passion and still be full of love. He wrote, “Not to display anger or other emotions. To be free of passion and yet full of love.” (1.9)

Many of Seneca’s essays deal with blind grief over the loss of a loved one. Seneca (4 BCE – 65 CE) returns to love to move through grief and avoid being overwhelmed by the strong emotions of bereavement after the death of a loved one.

The Stoics believed it is a futile attempt to desire love from someone who does not love humanity. For the Stoics, love is an essential part of eudaimonic life—a life that is meaningful and virtuous, free from greed and passion.

In contrast, the Epicurean view of eudaimonia holds it is not simply a neutral or negative condition but rather a form of pleasure in its own right. Epicureans believe excellence is natural because humans naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain.

What Does Love Mean To The Stoics

A Stoic must accept and embrace the impermanence of all they love. So when their cherished ones disappear, they rejoice in the togetherness they had with them rather than grieve their absence. Stoic love is not about getting overwhelmed or consumed while being honest with one’s tender feelings toward those they love.

Stoic philosophy has clumsily become synonymous with a life devoid of passion and emotion. When we say “Stoic” today, we point at someone who does not react emotionally to situations. But this idea is plain wrong because the Stoics can feel love and joy as the rest of us.

Given this erroneous stereotype, it is interesting to explore how the Stoic philosophers approached the idea of love, to understand more about the feelings of being in a romantic relationship that shaped their lives.

Stoic Love And Beauty

The Stoic sage must not, at least according to Arius, desire a person only for their outward appearance. For a Stoic’s love and desire, it is the character, personality, and moral righteousness that provide the fuel for maintaining rational and loving relationships.

So, in marriage, there must be, above all, perfect companionship and mutual love – both in sickness, health and under all conditions-it should be with desire for this (and children) that both entered upon marriage.” ― Musonius Rufus

Physical attractiveness as the starting point may be excused, as it is often the spark that kindles the flame of love. However, erotic love, the tendency to form bonds that arise from an impression of beauty, is not the definition from which many Stoics emerge.

Stoic Love And Physical Love

When the Roman Stoics spoke of Cupid, whom the Greek Stoics called Eros, they did not speak of the kind of romantic love found in the works of the elegiac poet Sappho. They did not recommend clinging to the indulgence of lust.

Love (amor) does not fit with passion (eupatheiai), which seems to be a bit in between.

They do not recommend clinging to the indulgence of lust. Seneca notes “the abandoned belly of lust bears the stain of shame,” and thinks people who are angry, greedy, and violent are the least of the sins of male fashion.

That does not mean Stoics should not feel pleasure. The pleasure of sexual intimacy is considered the preferred cardinal Stoic Virtue of Moderation, not an indifferent one, unlike lustful pleasure. Seneca respects love and meaningful relationships with other people.

Stoic Love And Moral Virtue

The key to cultivating “living with virtue” is to develop one’s own moral character and abilities, which make a person desirable from a Stoic point of view. It brings a person a step closer to developing the virtues of Prudence and Justice in their life.

If you live a good life according to Stoic standards, you will in most cases find an attractive partner and build a lasting relationship. The classical Stoics regarded romantic and erotic love, at least sometimes, as a feeling that people were good and valuable.

If someone is incapable of distinguishing good things from bad and neutral things from either – well, how could such a person be capable of love? The power to love, then, belongs only to the wise man. ― Epictetus (Discourses II.108)

Once we look beyond the “almost necessary” conditions of irrationality that come with powerful biological feelings, we become a little more rational in loving others, and our lives become more shareable and manageable.

Stoic Love And Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is an absurdity from the Stoic point of view. A sense of future loss and potential betrayal, and the reality that our own feelings change over time, tempers Stoic love. They love with full knowledge they may lose their loved ones any day, and almost ritually practice memento mori.

Maintaining love beyond the initial rush of hormones means having a solid relationship based on trust, compassion, and friendship. It means one must be careful when committing. Once we have committed to someone, we have to respect it.

Stoic Love And Loss of Love

The truth is, there is no guarantee that any love will last a lifetime, a fact the Stoics know well and accept fully. So, they feel it might be unwise to commit one’s love to a relationship for permanence. To even promise to return to their love after a certain period is a false promise. To think of it, how can a warrior promise he shall return to his family after the battle?

The uncontrolled feelings of falling in love are not much different in Stoics than anyone else’s feelings of falling in love. But lovers come with virtues, and even when flowing in the rivers of “mad love,” the Stoics respect those virtues of others. They are careful about not trodding upon the virtue rights of their lovers.

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” — Marcus Aurelius

Stoic Love And The Pains of Love

Love can be painful, especially when it is lost to the hands of fate. A loss to fate might come as a loss of life, disillusionment in the relationship, or the finding of a better person.

On this, Maria Popova writes, “To retain the memory of love’s sweetness without letting the pain of parting and loss embitter it is perhaps the greatest challenge for the bereaved heart, and its greatest achievement.”

Epictetus (55 – 135 CE) offered the Stoics a solution to deal with the pain of separation from a loved one:

When you are delighted with anything, be delighted as with a thing which is not one of those which cannot be taken away, but as something of such a kind, as an earthen pot is, or a glass cup, that, when it has been broken, you may remember what it was and may not be troubled…

What you love is nothing of your own: it has been given to you for the present, not that it should not be taken from you, nor has it been given to you for all time, but as a fig is given to you or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year.

But if you wish for these things in winter, you are a fool. So if you wish for your son or friend when it is not allowed to you, you must know that you are wishing for a fig in winter.

Whether one experiences an endless streak of bad luck, or whether other people are rude, is irrelevant to a Stoic. As long as a Stoic reacts virtuously, they know they are living a good life. When they think well of themselves, and think and act on things that are in their control, they never feel the need to worry about the effects of external events that are beyond their control.

Stoics acknowledge people cannot control much of what happens in life. Many of us worry about things beyond our control, but the Stoics believe they should use their energies to find creative solutions to problems, not spend them on the problems themselves.

They stress it is unproductive and irrational to worry about things beyond one’s control, especially when a person’s mind would do better with rest. The Stoics remind us to distinguish between the controllable and the uncontrollable and to not waste our energy on the uncontrollable or undesirable events.

A better way to think about it is that we are all capable of a range of emotions, from destructive and unhealthy ones such as anger, fear, jealousy, and hatred, to constructive and healthy ones such as joy, love, humanity, and the longing for justice in the world. For example, it makes sense to cultivate feelings of joy and justice, to be happy, to have good friends and partners, and to do what is best for us.

But it is pointless for a Stoic to rejoice in having won the lottery, because wealth is the “preferred indifferent,” so wealth does not make one better. Through Stoicism, you can become a much better person.

Final Words

That Stoics know how to feel and express joy, and that they sometimes describe their philosophy as one of love, should give pause to those who repeat the stereotype of the Stoic as Mr. Spock.

The Stoics challenge us to love others in an honest and realistic way, in terms of their mortality, our own transience, the impermanence of our relationships, and our lack of control over the relationships themselves.

The Stoics see themselves as advocates of a kind of affection for the rest of humanity, connected with what one might call a philanthropic and cosmopolitan attitude.

Do Stoic people fall in love?

Yes, Stoics fall in love, but without abandoning logic. To them, love is a strong form of friendship with a romantic component. Stoics value their loved ones and are concerned with their well-being and prosperity. They help their partner in living a better life and inspire them to a more virtuous existence.
Marcus Aurelius, Musonius Rufus, and Seneca were all deeply in love with their wives.

Author Bio: Written and reviewed by Sandip Roy—a medical doctor, psychology writer, and happiness researcher. Founder and Chief Editor of The Happiness Blog. Writes on mental health, happiness, positive psychology, and philosophy (especially Stoicism).

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