What is platonic love

platonic love

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platonic love, a phrase used in two senses, with allusion in both cases to Plato’s account of love in his Symposium.

The immediate object of the Symposium—which professes to record the discourses made in eulogy of Eros by a group of eminent speakers at a banquet in honour of the tragic poet Agathon—is to find the highest manifestation of the love which controls the world in the mystic aspiration after union with the eternal and supercosmic beauty. The Symposium depicts Socrates as the type of the aspirant who has reached the goal of union and sets in sharp opposition to him the figure of Alcibiades, who has sold his spiritual birthright for the pleasures and ambitions of the world. The centre of philosophical interest lies in the discourse of Socrates, which he professes to have learned from the priestess Diotima of Mantinea.

The main argument may be summarized thus: eros, desirous love in all its forms, is a reaching out of the soul to a good to which it aspires but does not yet possess. The desirous soul is not yet in fruition of the good. It is on the way to fruition, just as the philosopher is not yet in possession of wisdom but is reaching out after it. The object which awakens this desirous love in all its forms is beauty, and beauty is eternal. In its crudest form, love for a beautiful person is really a passion to beget offspring by that person and so to attain, by the perpetuation of one’s stock, the substitute for immortality which is all the body can achieve. A more spiritual form of the same craving for eternity is the aspiration to win immortal fame by combining with a kindred soul to give birth to sound institutions and rules of life. Still more spiritual is the endeavour, in association with chosen minds, to enrich philosophy and science with noble discourses and thoughts.

Thus, in common speech, platonic love means a supremely affectionate relationship between human beings in which sexual intercourse is neither desired nor practiced. In this sense, it most often refers to a heterosexual relationship. By extension, it may be used to cover that stage of chivalrous or courtly love in which sexual intercourse is indefinitely postponed.

From the Renaissance to the end of the 19th century, the term platonic love was also used as an occasional euphemism for homosexual love, in view of the comparatively tolerant attitude to such love discernible in Plato as well as in other Greek authors.

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica This article was most recently revised and updated by Michael Ray.

What Is Platonic Love? Definition & Examples

Put simply, Platonic Love is love without physical attraction. It was never called this by Plato himself (for whom it was named), but it is a form of love he discussed extensively.

Some other forms of love that would fall into the “Platonic” category are Agape love, Philia love, and more, since these forms of love don’t generally involve a physical component.

When it comes to having a definitive meaning of platonic love, we have a couple of different descriptions of what it is. The two outstanding definitions are; This new kind of love is affectionate, simple and with no physical intimacy involved. Platonic love can also be described as an immense but non-physical friendship.

Most often people misunderstand the concept but platonic love is chaste and passion orientated with no feelings attached. It is ideal without selfish interests. Sometimes it is known as holy love because platonic lovers are virtuous.

Love is so beautiful with the feelings and mutuality it comes with. There are several kinds of love like agape, (Godly love) Eros, Storge, (family love) Philautia (self-love) et al.

EXAMPLES OF PLATONIC LOVE

You can find an example of this in the movie I Love You Man, which is a movie about a couple of whacky dudes who meet and fall in love, platonically, and become best friends.

Are you finding it difficult to gauge your friends’ feelings? Thinking that he is acting differently and showing signs of more than love? Well here are some examples to let you not go over your head and start thinking of romance.

BRO LOVE COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS BROMANCE

Nothing is as platonic as brotherly love. Brotherly love can also imply two guys who necessarily do not have to be blood brothers. If one guy tells another that he loves him so much, nothing is wrong with that as long as there is no physical intimacy. Sometimes bromance has been harshly prejudiced by society set up expectations.’ It is notably a common life example of platonic love. Even if a coach tells his players that he loves them no harm is intended.

KIND GESTURES CAN BE AN EXAMPLE OF PLATONIC LOVE

Nothing excites me like doing random little things to people I adore. Don’t be quick to judge me! Not in a manner to portray mixed feelings. Platonic love can merely be the everyday usual kind gestures, but there is a small glimpse of love in your actions. You don’t have to love the person he could be a stranger, but at that moment you are just doing something good without expectations.

SHOWING LOVE TO YOUR FRIENDS IS AN EXAMPLE OF PLATONIC LOVE

it is true that our friends take a more prominent part of our affection. But this doesn’t mean that we are sleeping or having a romantic affair with them. We could say it is purely professional. Well, that is what platonic love is all about. It merely means no feelings are involved. So, here we have it. We have different views of the meaning to platonic love regarding on how you can show it.

The significant difference between romantic love and platonic love is the gushy feelings found in romantic love. Sometimes platonic love is hard to control and may grow out of proportion. People have their interpretations of actions. Always make sure to be open with your feelings so as they are not misread. We have seen people who have fallen in love alone yet the other person was merely showing platonic love.

Everything You Need to Know About Platonic Love

By Natasha Burton August 31, 2021

There are many different types of relationships you can have over the course of your existence. All of these unique bonds bring something different to your everyday life. Your relationships with your family members, your friends and your romantic partners can all present various layers and textures to your day to day.

Some of these people will be the ones you ask questions, others will be the ones who are there for you (like Phoebe and Joey from Friends) when you’re in the mood to celebrate. All of these relationships are important in your life for various reasons.

One of the more misunderstood types of relationships are platonic friendships—also called platonic relationships or platonic love. These have been largely characterized as bonds between heterosexual people who love each other as friends but are decidedly not in love with each other romantically. The defintion should be widened to include the LGBTQ community as well.

To give a more inclusive overview, these friendships are between two people who could couple up but instead they decide to clearly maintain a non-romantic bond with each other.

Does this sound a little unrealistic? Maybe to some people. But if you’re interested in what these relationships are like and what the benefits of these bonds are, you may want to keep reading.

Not every relationship that could potentially turn romantic automatically leads to love. Platonic relationships fill a gap in people’s lives for intimacy and friendship without all the drama of infatuation or having to wonder where a relationship is going.

Here’s a breakdown of platonic friendship, what it looks like and why it’s an important type of relationship to explore.

What is a platonic relationship?

​​The idea of platonic love has its roots in ancient Greek philosophy. You may have connected this already, but the word “platonic” comes from the famous philosopher, writer and speaker Plato, who outlined specific categories of love in his famous work “Symposium.”

Although Plato didn’t actually use the word “platonic” in his work (the word itself came later as a linguistic homage to him), he did define what we would now consider purely platonic relationships.

In “Symposium,” he said that love based on physical attraction and sexual intimacy is romantic love while love that’s more intellectually or spiritually-based—with no romantic feelings—is what we call platonic love today.

Platonic love

Basically, platonic love happens when two people have a special bond where they deeply care for and respect each other, lean on each other in good times and in hard times and share similar interests and values, but they don’t pursue things romantically.

With platonic love, you could even experience love at first sight if you’re drawn to someone instantly because you two share a passion for a certain activity or subject. But love in the romantic sense just isn’t part of the equation. (At least not intentionally, more on this later.)

This concept may be hard to grasp for people who don’t have this kind of relationship in their lives—and for good reason. We constantly hear about non-sexual friendships in will they or won’t they terms, like romance is inevitable between any two people who could theoretically be attracted to each other because of their sexual preferences. There’s definitely a stigma around what types of friendships are acceptable and which ones are headed for disaster (or toward the bedroom).

There’s no such thing as “platonic lovers”

Platonic love is not friends with benefits or hooking up. In fact, there can’t be a sexual aspect to the relationship or it will no longer be considered platonic. (Platonic lovers just aren’t a thing.)

Since there are no romantic feelings on either side in order for a friendship to be platonic, unrequited love or feelings from one person—or both people—would also disqualify a relationship from being platonic.

Examples of platonic love and platonic friends

To better understand the differences between platonic and romantic relationships, here are two of the most common examples of these relationships in today’s world:

Bromance or Womance:

These terms describe close, affectionate, non-sexual bonds between two men or two women. Think of bromances and womances like next-level friendships, these pairings are definitely in BFF territory. They love each other, but they aren’t in love with each other.

Work spouse:

This term is used to describe coworkers or colleagues who are super close, to the point that they might rely on each other the way they would a romantic partner, without the romance part.

They might run errands for each other, attend events and conferences as each other’s plus one and hang out together socially outside of the office. They are also known for sticking up for each other (and covering for each other, as needed) in the office setting.

Can you have a platonic relationship and a romantic partner?

In a word, yes. However, it’s important to understand that your romantic partner may need you to set clear boundaries with your platonic friend in order to feel comfortable. (And only you know how okay you are with this.)

Some romantic partners may feel threatened by the idea of you having someone in your life who is so close to you, even if there are no romantic or sexual feelings between you and your friend.

Depending on the person you’re romantically involved with, they might believe that your relationship with them needs to come first, before your platonic love. Romantic relationships can be tricky—jealousy can be a factor even in the most secure of bonds.

The rules for a healthy platonic friendship

So what to do about this? Talk to your platonic friend and your romantic partner, separately, about their needs and fears about the other major relationship in your life.

You might be surprised about what you discover in an honest discussion with each of these important people. Remind them that your relationships with each person are not in competition—they aren’t comparable because they are completely different from each other.

Discuss how much time you expect to spend with each of them and what behaviors and activities won’t work moving forward. For instance, if you talked on the phone with your platonic friend every night until you went to sleep, your romantic partner may not feel comfortable with this, especially if you two decide to move in together down the road.

Or, if you’ve shared a bed with your platonic friend every now and then in a completely non-sexual way, your partner may not feel comfortable with this happening now that you’re in a committed relationship. Talking through these habits and scenarios when things with your romantic partner start getting serious will help you avoid tricky situations, trust issues and jealousy down the road.

Finally, you have to determine how much you need or want to pull back from your platonic relationship now that you’re in a romantic relationship. While these bonds are very different, they do have some shared qualities: typically, your romantic partner is the person you’d confide in, share good news with first, lean on when you’re having a tough day and so on.

But you may already be used to doing these things with your platonic partner. Decide how you want that relationship to shift and evolve to allow your romantic connection to grow and thrive.

Benefits of platonic relationships

Having a platonic relationship means that you have someone in your corner who you can trust, who has your back and who brings you joy, but who isn’t necessarily engaged with you in a sexual relationship. Here are just some of the benefits of fostering this kind of bond:

Feeling closeness without the pressure:

Talk about (hashtag) relationships goals. In a platonic relationship, you don’t need to worry about where things are going or if the other person is on the same page as you. You can maintain closeness with each other in a low-stakes way. You’re not thinking about the next step or where your relationship will be in a year. You’re getting the perks of a romantic relationship as far as emotional intimacy goes and none of the drawbacks.

Getting a unique perspective:

Having someone to confide in:

A platonic relationship comes with the major benefit of being able to spill your secrets, deepest fears and unpopular opinions without worrying about judgement, retribution or word getting out. Having a confidant is one of the most significant perks of a deep, trusting friendship.

Maintaining a relationship with boundaries:

Not having to keep up appearances or impress the person:

When you’re in a romantic relationship, there’s usually a tendency, especially in the beginning, to try to impress the other person. You put on your makeup, do your hair, don the cutest outfits. You might defer to them about what to do on a date or feign enthusiasm for activities they enjoy. All of this is a little exhausting, to say the least. In a platonic relationship, you can just be you because the stakes just aren’t as high. And, in just being yourself, you will eventually feel so secure that you may not even be tempted to try to impress others. By using your platonic relationship as practice for showing off the real you, you could actually find more authentic connections with potential romantic partners as a result.

Being able to have an honest connection:

Platonic love isn’t about setting your feelings aside and putting your friend’s feelings first. It’s not about putting up a facade. These friendships thrive on honesty and clear communication. While you never want to be so brutally honest that you come off as mean or thoughtless, not having to hold back your feelings can be a relief for many people.

Fighting without drama:

In a romantic relationship, conflict can be scary. (Because what if one big fight can lead to a breakup?) In a platonic relationship, you’re going to get annoyed with each other or have words about a given topic or situation. But what happens? You get mad, maybe you stop talking for a few days and then you work things out. It’s just not that big of a deal.

Never having to wonder about the status of your relationship:

With platonic love, your relationship is steady. Yes, you can get closer or drift apart here and there but your bond is not on some kind of trajectory with the end point being either marriage or breaking up. You don’t have to waste brain energy wondering where your relationship is going. It just is.

What if a platonic relationship turns romantic?

Of course, there is the potential for sexual attraction to develop, and for a platonic friendship to turn into something more. These things are bound to happen between some platonic pairs. We’re all only human, right?

Maybe something happened to make you see your friend in a new light. Maybe you were feeling lonely and decided to engage in some physical intimacy with each other. Maybe your feelings grew over time. It’s not unheard of for emotional support to turn into romantic interest from a formerly non-sexual relationship.

Here’s what to do about it: Since you know your friend so well, clearly you’re going to feel a vibe if things are getting more than friendly between you. The best thing to do is get those feelings out in the open—ASAP!—before something physical happens because it’s harder to have a conversation if you’re in the throes of lust, or if things get weird.

Having a talk about what you’re feeling may be a little scary since you may not totally know if your friend feels the same way but once you sense that the relationship is changing it’s hard to have things go back to the way they were before.

Working together to talk about your feelings and what they mean will inevitably bring you two even closer together. You may decide that you don’t want to pursue things romantically, even if you’re feeling some love-like feelings. Or you may choose to turn your friendship into a romance. Trying to get on the same page before feelings progress is the best way to avoid having one person feel in love and the other decidedly not feeling it.

What if you have one-sided romantic feelings for your platonic friend? If you’re feeling something but not saying something, this puts pressure on the other person and calls into question the integrity of your platonic love for each other. If you have feelings for your platonic friend and you’re using the relationship to test the waters for romance, you’re violating the inherent ethics of this relationship.

Either you need to cool your feelings and commit to a platonic relationship with this person or you need to come forward with your feelings and allow the other person to know what’s really going on from your perspective. This way, your relationship doesn’t become tainted with potential mistrust.

Platonic love has no expectations

Platonic relationships can still be highly misunderstood. Unless you’ve experienced these types of bonds for yourself it can be hard to grasp the idea of completely non-romantic personal relationships between two people who could theoretically be involved.

But, honestly, that’s kind of society’s problem. The narrative many of us have been taught is that men and women can’t be friends. And, to include gay and non-binary people as well, there’s an assumption that it’s not possible to be completely platonic with anyone you would potentially identify as a love match for you. If we can unlearn these lessons about love and friendship, we can open ourselves up to some pretty wonderful relationships.

Platonic bonds are super special because they don’t ask much of the people involved except to simply be themselves—and to be good friends to each other. There are no expectations of needing to check all the boxes on the other person’s wishlist, the way there is with romantic partners, and no need to show off the best version of yourself in order to impress the other person.

With platonic relationships, people can be free to love deeply without all the romantic baggage. It’s time to cherish these bonds and seek them out!

What Is Platonic Love & Why You Need It

Platonic love is something we hear little about, but it plays an important role in our lives. Do you know what it is and what it can do for you? It is time to change everything you thought you knew about relationships. If you’re looking for guidance in your relationships, you can get help with online therapy. Discover what is platonic love and why you need it as well as what it is not, and what you should do if someone you love loves someone else.

What Is Platonic Love?

The term, «platonic love» is an idea that comes from ancient Greek philosophy. The great writer and thinker Plato (c. 428 BCE-c. 348 BCE) touched on the idea in his famous dialogue, «Symposium,» (although he never actually used the term itself).

Written as a series of speeches which explore the various concepts of love, the reader is left with an understanding that love goes far beyond physical attraction. In fact, love exists in intellectual and spiritual forms too.

Today, we have simplified Plato’s point of view. Love based on sexual attraction and physical intimacy is referred to as romantic love. While love, that has no romantic intent or sexual attraction is understood as platonic love.

In platonic love, both parties feel overwhelming gratitude, fondness, and interest for one another. These relationships, which often grow from typical friendships, turn into deeper and stronger bonds. Individuals who say they are in a platonic relationship talk frequently about their intense longing to be with one another, and their unique ability to stay emotionally and mentally connected despite living in opposite areas of the globe, or through temporary separations.

Why Do You Need Platonic Love?

Think of platonic love like having a best friend who is just as close to you as a spouse or beloved family member. Sometimes, the connection is even greater. There are many benefits to having a relationship like this. Here are just a few to consider:

It Is Comfortable

Platonic friendships, unlike romantic relationships which often need a lot of work, tend to flow naturally. They are open and honest, and both parties feel comfortable sharing themselves with each other. In platonic friendships, you can speak your mind, be yourself, and have a safe space. You can take comfort in knowing the person you are sharing yourself with will never push physical intimacy on you, and they will respect your boundaries no matter what.

It Is Easy

Platonic love is effortless. Just as two close friends can spend hours talking with one another, or get lost on an adventure of their own, platonic friendship is capable of the same. Such interactions just tend to happen more often in this type of relationship. A true platonic friend fully accepts you no matter who you are too, meaning you will never be forced to put on a mask or be someone you are not when you are with them.

It Is Powerful

Very few words accurately describe just how intense platonic love is. Think of it as having a soulmate, but in a non-romantic sense. Individuals in platonic relationships are often very vocal about how important it is to spend time together and how much they need the other person around. This type of behavior is not the same as a lover who is too clingy. The connection in a platonic friendship is a spiritual love, one where the presence of one another is central to each person’s well-being.

No Pressure

Because there is a lack of romantic interest in platonic relationships, many challenging situations do not happen. There will never be pressure to get married, have kids, be physically intimate, or take part in any other behavior that happens in typical relationships.

No Obligations

Sexual relationships come with a lot of unique insecurities. Moving the relationship at the right pace, the pressure to be intimate, and suspicions of infidelity are just a few, but in a platonic friendship, none of the above will matter. Because there is no end-goal to this type of relationship, the bond can form naturally and freely. Being there for one another is all that is important.

Some commonly asked questions about this subject include:

Deep Connection

Have you ever thought about someone, and then they immediately called? Some would argue it is because you are deeply connected. Platonic love, while not always as supernatural, does have its fair share of personal moments because of deep connections. With the ability to openly speak any thought, feeling, or idea with one another, a strong foundation of trust forms. The more trust two people have for one another, the closer they are.

More Love

It is a proven fact that the more support you have, the happier you will be. While you likely have a romantic partner or family members who care deeply for you, there is no harm in opening your arms to others who will appreciate you. Even a spouse cannot meet your every need all the time. In these cases, a platonic friend is there.

Someone Sees The Real You

Platonic friendships need a strong intellectual and spiritual connection to exist. This means opening yourself up in ways that many other people would judge. If someone accepts everything about you and loves you just the same, their friendship becomes a safe place where you can just be you. Having a place with zero judgment is hard to come by in today’s world. Being able to share that with someone is truly unique in our society.

But Keep In Mind…

No matter how powerful and secure platonic love can be, it is also important to understand what it is not. Violating the trust of someone who is only looking for a platonic relationship can have a devastating impact on them. Before you decide if this type of love is right for you, make sure you are not in it for the following reasons:

A Door In

You might think that a platonic relationship is a great way to get to know someone better, especially if you are physically attracted to them but do not have the confidence to let them know. Part of the appeal of a platonic relationship is that there is no pressure for romance, but if you think you might be able to change their mind in the future, you are already breaking your potential partner’s trust.

Platonic relationships are not a way to test the waters, nor should they be used as an opportunity to show someone what you can offer them. If someone agrees to build a platonic relationship with you, they have no interest in taking things further physically. Respect their boundaries and avoid a bait and switch.

To «Help» Them

Maybe the person you want to connect with is in a bad romantic relationship. Maybe they are making poor financial or career decisions. No matter what your opinion of how they live their life is, do not try to befriend them to help them navigate their challenges.

Friends are supposed to be there for one another, and in platonic love even more so. But even in the shallowest of friendships, it takes time to build up to that kind of trust. Do not try to come in to save the day. Express your genuine concern about their choices when the time is right.

You Need Someone To Talk To

A platonic relationship needs commitment. This commitment needs to come from a place of sincere love for this person. Do not try to connect with someone simply because you’re bored or need someone to talk to. A friend is not your personal form of entertainment. If you are not truly invested in growing a deep relationship with someone, stay far from platonic love.

«Is It Okay If My Partner Is In Platonic Love»?

On a final note, partners of people who are in a platonic relationship might be wondering if their loved one’s behavior is normal. Feelings of jealousy, concern, and loneliness might come up from time to time as you watch the person you give your heart to bond with someone else.

There is no right or wrong way to feel when your partner has a platonic relationship. But, take confidence in knowing that in true platonic love, there is no threat to your relationship. The reason the connection is so deep is that the person you love is having a need fulfilled that otherwise would stay unmet.

Platonic love is complex, and hard to understand. This is because we are so used to understanding love in a physical sense. If you open your mind to what love can be, you can enjoy all the benefits of a relationship that speaks to you intellectually and spiritually. Remember, a platonic relationship is special and requires care. Trust is the foundation. If your partner’s platonic friendship is bothering you, share your thoughts with them, and work toward understanding a broader definition of the word love.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is the meaning of platonic love?

When we hear the word love, usually, we think of romantic love. However, romantic affection is not the only kind of affection there is. Platonic love is is not sexual or romantic. Likely, you’ve expressed appreciation for a very close friend more than once. A close friendship is an example of a modern interpretation of what we know or refer to as platonic love. Platonic love generally exists in long-lasting friendships or connections. The idea of platonic love is nothing new and has been around for a long time.

The word «platonic» stems from the well known Greek philosopher Plato. Although greek philosopher Plato did not coin the term «platonic,» he did share philosophies about love. In Plato’s symposium, he wrote, «The truth is that we isolate a particular kind of love and appropriate it for the name of love, which really belongs to a wider whole.» Another famous quote from Plato’s symposium reads, «Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.»

Also in plato’s symposium, Greek philosopher Plato described different types of love by talking about a «ladder of love.» Plato’s symposium consisted of six steps or types of love. When talking about the ladder in Plato’s symposium, he ordered the steps from physical attraction to deep soul connections. Since the time of Plato’s symposium, which dates back to 385-370 BC, our knowledge about different types of love has grown immensely, but the work is still used and referred to often.

Can you be platonically in love with someone?

You can love someone platonically, but it won’t look the same as a relationship with a romantic subject of love. Platonic lovers are connected deeply and have a special understanding of one another. Platonic relationships, platonic friends, and platonic lovers are often sacred. This is a soulful bond where two human beings care for each other deeply, which is something we all need in our lives. When two human beings love each other platonically, they will be very close, possibly to the point that others think that they could be in a romantic relationship despite the fact that that’s not the case. The characteristics of platonic love outlined in this article show why it is important and why it isn’t the same as falling for someone the way that people who are in romantic partnership would.

Is kissing platonic?

Technically, kissing can very well be platonic. For example, a close friend or family member might kiss someone on the cheek. That’s not necessarily romantic. That said, kissing is most certainly not always platonic. If you are dating someone and kiss someone outside of the relationship on the lips, for example, it would mean that you’re stepping outside in the relationship in most cases. Of course, normalities related to kissing vary from culture to culture, which is an important thing to recognize when you meet other people.

Are platonic relationships healthy?

Having platonic relationships is both healthy and necessary. Social relationships are crucial to our emotional and physical well-being, so having people in our lives that we care for but aren’t necessarily romantically or sexually attracted to is incredibly valuable. There are many types of care that we might experience with other human beings, including platonic love romantic love, unrequited love when your feelings aren’t returned, and familial love, for example. In the Middle Ages, there were rules and ideas affiliated with courtly love, which has since passed. Greek philosophers had names for the different types of love, such as «eros» and «storge». Most people have multiple types of love in their lives, or at least the potential for many types. For example, there are many people who have love for family members, friends, and a romantic partner or partners. It is beneficial to have a variety of loving relationships in your world, and unless the bond is toxic in and of itself, platonic relationships are there to enhance your life.

What is a platonic girlfriend?

When the word «girlfriend» is used platonically, it is usually just referring to a friend that is a girl. For example, if someone says that they are going to «go hang out with their girlfriends,» it may very well refer to a group of that person’s friends that are female. These platonic friendships can be extremely close and should be celebrated. Love can light a fire in us, but it doesn’t always mean that you’re more than friends. Some people even celebrate platonic love on Valentine’s Day by giving their friends a valentine. Though Valentine’s Day is something that human beings once thought of as being strictly for romantic love, the modern interpretation allows people to celebrate it however they want. If you hear someone referred to a group of people as their girlfriends, it is likely just slang, unless someone has multiple romantic partners that are female.

Is platonic love cheating?

What does platonic love feel like?

The meaning of platonic love describes what it feels like pretty well. Platonic love is close, but not interchangeable with the love that exists in a romantic partnership. When you experience this type of love, you will experience it by caring about a person very deeply. You will have a desire to have them in your life for a long time, and you will value their time and connection with you greatly. Platonic love is something that you might have for a lifelong friend. It’s not something you would have for an acquaintance. Think of a person in your life who just «gets» you. Someone that you appreciate, feel is special, and are enormously grateful for. That’s likely someone that you have a platonic appreciation for.

Characteristics of platonic love include a sense of appreciation for the other person, the ability to be honest and candid with the other person, the ability to be yourself around the person, and mutual fondness. These traits are part of why purely platonic love has an essential place in our lives. Having someone you love, even platonically, typically means that you have someone in your life who makes you happy and who supports you, which is invaluable. Of course, unhealthy interpersonal relationships are also possible. If you’re struggling with toxic connections of any kind and aren’t sure what to do, talking with a counselor or therapist can help.

Can platonic friends fall in love?

Platonic friends can fall in love. Often, we hear stories of childhood friends growing up to date each other, or even get married. That said, this can occur at any point in life. Two people who were previously just friends and proceeded to date, get engaged, or marry one another may not have always had the desire to be in a romantic love relationship with that person. Instead, feelings may have grown over time and evolved into classic romantic love.

Can your soulmate be platonic?

Many people certainly believe in platonic soulmates. Have you ever met a friend and felt like you’ve known them for your entire life even though you’d just met? Did you grow closer over time and develop a best friendship that feels strong, supportive, healthy, and unshakable? Do you feel like you were meant to be friends and feel like your connection is unlike your connections with most other friends? If so, that might be a friend that you can refer to as a platonic soulmate. Platonic relationships provide emotional support, stress-reduction, trust, encouragement, love, and other people to share life accomplishments, struggles, good times, and bad times with, all of which are important.

Can cuddling be platonic?

4 Characteristics Of Platonic Love & Relationships

Neither family, nor privilege, nor wealth, nor anything but Love can light that beacon which a man must steer by when he sets out to live the better life. – Plato

Is love the guiding light to a better life? Many people believe it is, and that little is possible without love as a motivator.

Love is multi-faceted and comes in many forms: parental, filial, romantic, and platonic.

But what do we mean when we say “platonic friends” or talk about “platonic love”?

What does a modern, healthy platonic relationship look like, and how do we keep it that way?

What Is Platonic Love?

Platonic love takes its name from famous Classical Greek philosopher, Plato (428/427 or 424/423 – 348/347 BC).

Plato wrote about love in his work, the Symposium, a dialogue where the guests of a banquet each gave speeches in honor of the god Eros and debated the true meaning of love.

Initially, Plato’s dialogue was directed toward same-sex relationships, sexual, and otherwise, but by the Renaissance, platonic love had come to encompass the non-sexual, heterosexual relationships we know today.

Originally, Platonic love was love that was not vulgar, meaning it wasn’t centered on lust or fulfilling carnal needs. Instead, it was a love that inspired nobler pursuits, and brought one closer to the divine. It brought about the best in both people.

Clearly, today this is no longer completely the case. In our secular world, a platonic relationship has basically become code for “we’re just friends” (minus the benefits).

In many cases, that person can end up being someone you’d go to the moon and back for, but just have no romantic interest in, or attraction to, in a sexual way.

However, modern notions of platonic companionship are not completely devoid of its original meaning; just like the original idea, platonic love, like romantic love, can be deep and intense, and form some of life’s best, and longest friendships.

It is a space where jealousy doesn’t rear its ugly head, and hidden agendas and unrequited love are left at the door.

It is rooted in genuine honesty, and the ability to be yourself around that person without fear of censure, or abandonment.

4 Characteristics Of Platonic Love

A simple way to sum it up would be: be a good friend, full stop.

However, this isn’t the answer people are looking for; especially at a time when relationships, and power structures, are changing and are in dire need of boundaries.

The following three characteristics of platonic love will help you recognize it, manage your expectations of it, and keep that relationship happy, and healthy, and thriving for years to come.

1. Platonic Loves Encourages Unfiltered Honesty

There is little need for deceit in a purely platonic relationship.

Unlike in a romantic relationship, there is no fear that the person will leave you because they were never with you in the first place.

You aren’t an item, so the stakes aren’t as high. There isn’t the same caution, or need to check in with the other person emotionally.

You can have a fight, not speak for a month, then patch things up, and things will pretty much go back to normal.

Platonic love doesn’t have to spare anyone’s feelings. There is no need to maintain a facade.

In some sense, this brutal honesty is great; in fact, it is often a relief.

You can get insights and perspectives you wouldn’t be able to get from your romantic partner.

You can ask the unaskable questions, and not have to worry too much about the status of your relationship.

You can talk openly about your dating troubles, and share your personal gaffes without worrying about how it makes you look.

Platonic love can tell it like it is, and can take the lumps a romantic relationship cannot because it’s not as complicated when you’re not busy trying to keep up appearances and impress someone.

You aren’t putting them first, in the way you would if you were romantically involved.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t consider other people’s feelings outside of your own or your romantic partner’s, but there is a different level of consideration we go to when we have a romantic end game in mind.

A romantic relationship is less like a rock, and more like a flower. It has to be carefully cultivated, and taken care of; it is fragile and liable (like a flower) to die without the proper attention.

This is especially true once the first flush of love has faded, the butterflies are gone, and you’ve settled into a comfortable pattern together.

This is when the real work begins. Platonic love is much less delicate and can weather these ups and downs.

2. Platonic Love Respects Boundaries

While purely platonic relationships may have a no-holds barred aspect to them (because we don’t hold our friends to the same standards as we do our lovers), this doesn’t mean that there are no boundaries.

Platonic relationships require (especially in the beginning) strong boundaries. These are not normally discussed or negotiated the way steps are in romantic relationships, but they hover in the background nonetheless.

As time passes, you will know how far you can push those boundaries, and when you have to pull back.

For example, when you travel together – do you share a room? If you do, will that change if one or both of you gets involved with someone romantically?

Platonic love requires a lot of trust. This is especially true when you (or your platonic bestie) are in a romantic relationship.

You have to take care to build trust to ensure that your partners understand the nature of your relationship, and that it doesn’t pose any potential threats.

If your significant other has a platonic BFF, how would that play out for you? What would be considered OK? What wouldn’t?

Ask yourself these questions, and listen to those feelings. Your gut is often the best indicator of what constitutes crossing the line, and what is acceptable.

3. Platonic Love Has No Expectations

Although friendship is a give and take partnership, when it comes to platonic love, you have to be careful not to expect or demand more of that person than you would of a regular friendship.

Part of what differentiates platonic from romantic love is expectation. We expect a lot from our romantic partners because with every person you date, you’re potentially interviewing them for the role of life partner, or spouse.

If someone wants to spend their life with you, they need to be of the highest caliber, and up to scratch.

We are less forgiving of mistakes in romantic relationships, and in a sense, that’s a good thing; we need to be picky when it comes to investing that kind of time in a lifelong companion.

Platonic love doesn’t get held to the same high standard. You’re not sharing a home, children, pets, bank accounts, etc. – you’re close, (and potentially) lifelong friends.

You get to go home at the end of the night and not worry about what that person is doing, who they’re with, whether they paid the electric bill, ate the dinner you left in the fridge, or hung the laundry to dry.

You may worry about them if they’ve been going through a difficult time, as naturally good friends do, but you’re not as invested in their day-to-day meanderings and external relationships. They simply don’t come first.

If you start to notice that they are coming first, or that you’re often disappointed by their behavior because they aren’t living up to your expectations, you may need to step back and ask yourself: are romantic feelings creeping in?

Are boundaries being crossed? Why am I demanding this from this person? You may be expecting too much.

4. Platonic Love Is Selfless

Romantic love is, in part, selfish. It wants what is best for the partnership as a whole.

Marriages or other committed relationships sometimes require us to act in ways that we might not otherwise act.

These acts might appear selfless on the surface because you may do something for the benefit of your partner.

But look closer and you’ll realize that they are selfish in the sense that you do them in order to maintain harmony and to keep the relationship going.

The continuation of a happy relationship is as much for your benefit as it is for theirs.

The relationship comes first and the needs of the individual sometimes have to be sacrificed.

In a platonic friendship, each party wants whatever is best for the other, regardless of what that might mean for the relationship.

Perhaps you give the other person space and time when they enter a new relationship.

You may want to spend time with them, but you accept that what is best for them might not be what you want.

So you let them go, in the hope that once their new relationship is established, you can reconnect with each other.

Or perhaps you realize that your presence is having a detrimental effect on the other person.

Maybe you are acting as a crutch for them to lean on so that they don’t have to address their issues.

For example, you might have helped them out with money a few times, but you know that they are still not being frugal.

So you say no the next time they ask and you stand firm even if it causes an argument.

In the end, you know it’s in their best interest to learn how to budget and take responsibility for their finances.

If it drives a wedge between you temporarily – or even permanently – you still do it because you want what is best for them.

That act is selfless in the sense that you will not gain anything from it, but you do it in the hope that your platonic friend will get some benefit.

Summary: It’s Not Complicated…

Platonic love will always be a part of the human condition – we award different values to every person we meet, and we love each one in a unique way.

Recognizing and respecting those differences will bring us closer to Plato’s initial ideal of platonic love – one that raises us up and anchors us throughout life.

While love might be fraught with complexities, two-way platonic affection is the one place where you can definitively say: it’s not complicated.

Platonic relationships provide an important piece to how we love, and are loved, through life.

They can provide fulfilling, lifelong friendships, offer us refreshing perspectives, and a much needed outlet to let off steam, and let it all hang out.

These are the people who love us minus the baggage, the “rock” friends who inspire the best in us, and tell us what we need to hear when we’ve gone astray.

Keep your relationship honest, respect each other’s boundaries, let go of expectations, and do what’s best for them.

Remembering these three key things will go a long way to a healthy, and happy relationship.

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