Loving what is byron katie
Loving what is byron katie
Любить то, что есть. Четыре вопроса, которые изменят вашу жизнь
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«Любить то, что есть» покажет вам шаг за шагом, на ясных и ярких примерах, как именно использовать этот РЕВОЛЮЦИОННЫЙ МЕТОД для себя. Вы увидите, как люди работают с Кейти над широким спектром повседневных трудностей: от жены, готовой бросить мужа, потому что он хочет больше секса, до рабочего, парализованного страхом терроризма. Многие люди через 4 простых вопроса и переворот изначального утверждения открыли для себя способность решать любые проблемы. Они говорят, что через РАБОТУ испытывают чувство прочного мира и находят ясность и энергию, чтобы действовать, даже в ситуациях, которые ранее казались невозможными.
В формате PDF A4 сохранен издательский макет книги.
Нас беспокоит не происходящее с нами, а наши мысли об этом»
Нас беспокоит не происходящее с нами, а наши мысли об этом»
Большинство людей думают, что они и есть именно те, кем считают себя в своих мыслях. Однажды я заметила, что не я дышу, а через меня дышат. Затем я, к своему изумлению, также заметила, что не я думаю – что в действительности через меня думают, а в моих мыслях нет ничего личного.
Большинство людей думают, что они и есть именно те, кем считают себя в своих мыслях. Однажды я заметила, что не я дышу, а через меня дышат. Затем я, к своему изумлению, также заметила, что не я думаю – что в действительности через меня думают, а в моих мыслях нет ничего личного.
Если ты хочешь, чтобы реальность была иной, чем она есть на самом деле, то с таким же успехом можешь попытаться научить кошку лаять.
Если ты хочешь, чтобы реальность была иной, чем она есть на самом деле, то с таким же успехом можешь попытаться научить кошку лаять.
Но пытаться изменить проецируемые образы бесполезно. Как только мы осознаем, где находится ворсинка, мы сможем очистить саму линзу. Это конец страданий и начало тихой радости в раю.
Но пытаться изменить проецируемые образы бесполезно. Как только мы осознаем, где находится ворсинка, мы сможем очистить саму линзу. Это конец страданий и начало тихой радости в раю.
Правда – это всегда то, что происходит, а не рассказ о том, что должно происходить. «Он должен прекратить дышать в телефон» – это правда? Мэри, после паузы : Нет. Это неправда. Он делает это. Вот какова правда. Вот какова реальность.
Правда – это всегда то, что происходит, а не рассказ о том, что должно происходить. «Он должен прекратить дышать в телефон» – это правда? Мэри, после паузы : Нет. Это неправда. Он делает это. Вот какова правда. Вот какова реальность.
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Отзывы 23
Прочитала за три дня. Шла книга очень тяжело, но я это связываю с переводом, так как типично американское мышление и выражение мыслей несколько иначе, чем наше русское.
Мне понравились идеи самих вопросов, и тестить свои убеждения на реализм, но не понравилось то, что автор уверяет о том, что Работу проводить легко и просто – по факту же в своих диалогах она как будто подводит клиентов к желаемым ответам. То есть помимо четырех вопросов там еще дофигища второстепенных, и еще при этом она трактует сказанное клиентами на свое мировоззрение, о чем свидетельствуют длинные разъяснения после ответов клиента. Если человек будет самостоятельно проводить себе исследование по такому методу, то вряд ли получится подмечать какие-то нюансы и скрытые смыслы, которые замечает Кейти, в связи с чем может сделать вывод, что этот метод малоэффективен.
Тем не менее, как однажды сказал один бизнес-тренер, если вы обнаружили хотя бы 1% полезной информации в том, что вам дали – это уже успех.
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Out of nowhere, like a breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice, comes Byron Katie and “The Work.” In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended. The freedom of that realization has never left her, and now in Loving What Is you can discover the same freedom through The Work.
The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.” Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us. At that point, we can truly love what is, just as it is.
If you continue to do The Work, you may discover, as many people have, that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace. Loving What Is offers everything you need to learn and live this remarkable process, and to find happiness as what Katie calls “a lover of reality.”
352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
About the author
Byron Katie
Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker, writer, and founder of a method of self-inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie or simply The Work.
Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom. Then, one morning in February 1986, while in a halfway house for women with eating disorders, she experienced a life-changing realization. In that moment, she says,
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.
Soon afterward people started seeking her out and asking how they could find the freedom that they saw in her. As reports spread about the transformations they felt they were experiencing through The Work, she was invited to present it publicly elsewhere in California, then throughout the United States, and eventually in Europe and across the world.
The Work has been compared to the Socratic method and to Zen meditation, but Katie is not aligned with any religion or tradition. She describes self-inquiry as an embodiment, in words, of the wordless questioning that had woken up in her on that February morning. She has shared The Work with millions of people at public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, V. A. treatment centers, corporations, universities, and schools. Participants at her weekend workshops, the nine-day School for The Work, and the twenty-eight-day residential Turnaround House report profound experiences and lasting transformations. “Katie’s events are riveting to watch,” the Times of London reported. Eckhart Tolle calls The Work “a great blessing for our planet.” And Time magazine named Katie a “spiritual innovator for the new millennium.”
Loving What Is Summary
12min Team | Posted on January 24, 2018 |
Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Stress is everywhere. It always has been, it always will be. It is part of the human experience.
However, many times, we stress over imaginary situations, while having no real reason for unease.
Who Should Read “Loving What Is”? and Why?
Do you feel constantly stressed and unhappy? Are you concerned about the world’s problems: politics, pollution, famine?
Sadly, you are not the only one. Many people feel the same, and think there is no alternative to their unhappy ways of living.
However, there can be life with no anxiety, if you could just approach stress in the right way.
We recommend “Loving What Is” to all psychologists, people feeling stressed all the time, and people suffering from depression.
About Byron Katie
Byron Katie is an author and speaker that based on her experience with depression, shares her methods of turning unhappiness upside down, with the purpose of helping people have better lives.
“Loving What Is Summary”
At least, you thought it was happy until you started being suspicious that your partner does not love you anymore.
In this situation, your stress and unhappiness grow as you are looking for ways to push your partner into loving you again.
However, you cannot control other people’s feelings!
We told you this hypothetical story, so we can make you realize that stress is not caused by people around you, but by your very own interpretation of events or actions of those that surround you.
So, if we look at our story, it is not the lack of your partner’s love (which you are not even sure of) that causes pain. Instead, it is your interpretation of your partner’s feelings that make you unhappy.
Once you get that thought in your head: (s)he does not love me anymore, you will connect all his or her actions to your preconceived conclusion.
So, when they forget to kiss you, you think they do not love you. If they are tired and want to sleep, you assume they do not care. And so on, and so on.
Basically, everything they do will be reinforcing your opinion. It is a circle with no end.
So, what can you do to overcome this situation?
Well, as we already showed you, stress is directly related to your thoughts, so the only possible way to change something is to change your beliefs.
This is the place where “The Work” comes in.
The Work is a few step process that will help you find the roots of your problems.
You start the process by writing down the thoughts that are causing stress.
Then, analyze what you wrote by posing the following simple questions:
How you answer these questions will give you a more in-depth comprehension of your unproductive thoughts, which are only bringing stress into your life.
Once you do, you can begin trying to make yourself feel better.
The next and last step of The Work is the turnaround.
You can guess its meaning by its name. This step is all about turning your thoughts around to discover greater truths about the situation, your feelings, and eventually – yourself.
So, if like in our hypothetical situation your thoughts revolve around a belief that your partner no longer loves you, turn those thoughts around and observe what happens.
In other words, approach the problem from a different angle and see how all those various scenarios make you feel.
After doing that, analyze the turned though with the same four questions from The Work.
Doing this will make you aware of the difference between your original and turned thoughts and will give you new insight into your dilemma.
Okay, we told you the process, but you still do not know which thought you should follow at the end?
Well, that is up to you.
The Work only gives you options so that you can assess the problem more objectively; it does not give you an easy way out.
Growth must be accompanied by hard work. It is up to you to do it.
Key Lessons from “Loving What Is”
1. Write Down Your Thoughts
2. Finding Happiness
3. Using the Work In All Areas Of Life
Write down your thoughts
Do not do The Work in your mind. Our thoughts are too chaotic, and you cannot completely comprehend them if you do not write them down.
So take a pen and paper and thoroughly study your mind.
Finding Happiness
Contrary to what many people think, happiness does not depend on the reality. Many times you will be unable to change the circumstances. We are powerless against wars, pollution, hunger, and many other global problems. Sometimes we are even powerless against many personal issues.
So happiness is all about finding your peace when you are in reality you cannot change.
Then again, we are not saying that you should just sit and not do anything. We just want to make you happy for each small change you can make happen, and stop worrying about things you cannot control.
Using The Work In All Areas Of Life
The work can help you have better relationships, better career, better friendships.
Well, when you apply it to any aspect of your life, you will most probably realize that you have been stressed over for nothing.
Many times we cannot see the thoughts that trouble as. And even more often, all the stress blinds us to the fact that our thoughts are the ones who are causing our unease.
“Loving What Is” Quotes
Our Critical Review
“Loving What Is” gives you practical and applicable methods for tackling stress. If you put in enough work, you will create a happier and more fulfilled life for yourself.
Learn more and more, in the speed that the world demands.
Рецензии на книгу « Любить то, что есть. Четыре вопроса, которые изменят вашу жизнь » Кейти Байрон
Очень занимательная книга с конкретными практическими методами самопознания. Погрузилась в изучение информации с головой. Особенно понравились вопросники, чтение превратилось в диалог с самой собой. В ходе построения своих ответов и рассуждений закрыла наболевшие вопросы раз и навсегда. Проблемы по большей части в нашей голове, в мыслях. Нужна работа над тем, что мы думаем, взгляд с другой стороны, переворот, и тогда приходит понимание. Слог автора достаточно легкий, можно быстро прочесть, но, если хотите себе реально помочь – нужно научиться правильно определять, какое истинное положение вещей и что является правдой для вас. Рекомендую книгу всем стремящимся к самопознанию.
Прикладываю фото обложки и страниц книги.
Книга очень интересная, местами перечитывала по несколько раз, стараясь не упустить ни одной детали. Автор очень подробно поделилась способами самопознания и исследования собственных мыслей. Решение многих проблем можно достичь только Работой над своим мышлением. Благодаря Работе, мне действительно стало легче переживать стрессовые ситуации и трансформировать мысли. Рекомендую почитать и научиться себя понимать и принимать. Качество печати хорошее, твердый переплет.
Книга «Любить то,что есть» не зря приобрела мировую известность. Я считаю что эта одна из лучших книг для самопознания, которая не только рассказывает, что тебе мешает быть счастливым в этом мире, но самое главное даёт практический инструмент, который может тебе помочь на этом пути. Несколько раз перечитывала ее в электронном варианте, даже распечатки делала из нее. Поэтому была очень рада, что наконец появился бумажный вариант. Частенько рекомендую почитать эту книгу своим пациентам.
Loving What Is
Author: Byron Katie
If you’re at a place in life where you want to learn to love others as they are, yourself as you are, and life as it is — instead of how you wish these things were — the method and insights in Byron Katie’s book can be a light along that initially dark path.
“Every painful story [that we tell ourselves] is a variation on a single theme: I shouldn’t be experiencing this, God is unjust, life is unfair.”
Summary
The author holds all the world as innocent and all suffering as the result of confusion. Finding no fault in reality or in people, she singles out thoughts as the source of all our problems. Although she never puts it in these words, she’s built an entire worldview out of the concept “Nothing is bad or good but thinking makes it so.”
In Katie’s view, our nature is truth, and when we believe a lie — or try to believe a lie — it creates a feeling of uneasiness. If we don’t respond to this feeling by identifying the lie, it’ll develop into a more pronounced version of uneasiness, such as stress or fear.
We then explain the feeling to ourselves by equating the strength of the feeling to the evil of what we’re experiencing. This is how we go from entertaining a false belief to embracing it, proving it to ourselves with some version of, “I know it’s true because of the pain it’s causing me. If it weren’t true, how could it make me feel so bad?” Case closed.
Once we’ve convinced ourselves, we no longer examine the belief, but instead, we direct our energies at changing the world while leaving the pain-producing belief intact.
It’s like having a thorn in your hand, and noticing that the pain around the thorn spikes whenever something touches it, and then concluding that the solution is not to remove the thorn, but to organize your life around ensuring that nothing touches the thorn — with the result that you become obsessed with protecting the very thing that is causing you pain.
Beware of Tears
I cried a lot while working through this book. The book is filled with personal accounts that are equally heart-wrenching and inspiring: accounts of people learning to see through lifelong lies so that they can practice compassion instead of self-protecting accusation and condemnation.
I think part of the reason for my tears was a deep sense of sadness over having clogged with judgements the channels of my soul that are meant to carry life: patience, honor for others, forgiveness. But they were also tears of hope — hope that I could now begin to be free to set aside my judgmental mind and let the better things take their natural place. I also cried for joy that those I love would see this, too.
We tend to think that hate is the opposite of love, and in thinking this we grant our judgements impunity because compared to hatred, they seem neutral. It’s only when we compare our judgments to full-blooded goodwill toward others that we see how miserly they really are.
The Method
Katie refers to her method simply as “The Work” which she expresses in this memorable little rhyme: “Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around.”
The work, also referred to as Inquiry, is a series of questions that help us find freedom through new ways of thinking — rather than by trying to alter the world around us, because often the world around us will not bend to our wishes, i.e., sickness, death, divorce, etc.
In the first two steps of The Work, Judge your neighbor, Write it down, we write about someone who upsets us. The more petty and frank, the better. Then we ask the following questions of each judgmental statement we made about our neighbor. We need to be ruthlessly honest in how we answer these questions, as we’re predisposed to believe our own interpretation of motives and events.
The Four Questions
“These four questions take us into a world of such beauty that it can’t be told. Some of us haven’t even begun to explore it yet, even though it’s the only world that exists.”
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who/what would you be without that thought/story?
The Four Turn-Arounds
Once you have closely examined your judgments using the above questions, use the following techniques to turn your judgements around — applying each one to yourself. As you do, ask yourself if the turn-around feels as true or more true than than your original judgement of the other person.
1. Switch roles. Instead of “He did…” say “ I did…”
2. Negation. Instead of “She did…” say “She did not do…”
3. Substitution. Ask yourself, “Is there something I do or use that is analogous to what I judged the other person for?
4. Willingness. Say “I’m willing to have the other person treat me that way again. I look forward to the other person treating me that way again.
This last one helps us to see if our minds have changed toward the situation and the other person.
Three Kinds of Business
According to Katie, there are only three kinds of business in life:
1. God’s business.
2. Other people’s business.
“Every time in my life when I’d felt hurt or lonely, I’d been living in someone else’s business.”
“The next time you are feeling stressed, ask yourself whose business you’re in mentally. That question can bring you back to yourself, and you may come to see that you’ve been living in other people’s business all your life.”
“To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my own business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear.”
Extended Observations & Personal Notes
“It’s terrifying to think that you could lose control, even though the truth is that you never had it in first place. That’s the death of fantasy and the birth of reality.”
One thing the work does is to show us where we’re super-imposing our “shoulds” on what actually is. Everyone does this, but religious people may feel especially justified in it because we tend to believe we have God in our pocket, lending His authority to our determination about how things “should be.”
Longtime practitioners of the work find that as their argument with reality abates, what remains is love: Love for others and love for themselves.
For theists, the work nudges us to let God be God. For atheists, the work nudges them to let reality be God. It urges both to stop trying to be God ourselves.
“Do I know what’s right for me? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you.”
“Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless.”
“No one can control their thoughts, even though they may say they can. I don’t let go of my thoughts. I meet them with understanding and they let go of me… Once you see the truth, the lie lets go of you —not the other way around.”
“Suffering is an alarm that we are attaching to a thought. When we don’t heed this warning, we come to expect the suffering as an inevitable part of life. We’re either attaching to our thoughts or inquiring. There’s no middle ground.”
“Spouses, parents, and children are the best teachers.”
“Practicing inquiry makes us students of ourselves and friends who can be trusted not to criticize, resent, or hold a grudge.”
Katie says one of the biggest stumbling blocks for those new to the work is the fear of not being fearful. “If I just accept what is, what reason will I have to work against the evil in the world?” Her answer is, because that’s what love does. The truth sets us free, and free people act.
Fascinating take on free will. “There’s nothing we can do to keep ourselves from coming or going. We just tell the story about how we have something to do with it.”
Epistemology. “We can’t ever really know anything.” This statement speaks to the same issue as the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden of Eden.
“The world you experience is your projection of it. Instead of trying to change the image, focus on changing the projector. When I decide to be happy and free right where I am, I become attractive to those around me. When I am clear, I project love onto others and that love is reflected back to me. In this way, from my perspective, others have no choice but to love me.”
We experience mental combat fatigue from arguing with our inner voice when it tells us to do simple things we don’t want to do.
The worst thing that can happen to you is to live under the control of unexamined thoughts. Worse than rape, murder, and betrayal. This has overtones of Socrates’ famous line, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Katie points out that even the man who molests a child is simply looking for love, only hurting people as a byproduct of his confusion about where to find that love.
Defensiveness keeps us from fully realizing who we are.
Katie refers to an internal peace that is unchanging, immovable, and ever-present. It reminds me of Paul’s reference to the “peace that passes understanding.”
“The more you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.” Baruch Spinoza
“We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens to us.” Epictetus
“When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.”
If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God, spare me of the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen.”
“People seem not to notice that their opinions about the world around them are really a confession of character.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Unconditional love is a totally selfish act. It’s truth owning itself in the recognition that we like ourselves more when we love others. Once this is experienced, self-love becomes so greedy that there’s no limit to the number of people it can serve.”
Modern neuroscience refers to one of the functions of the left brain as The Interpreter. Its job is to formulate the internal narrative that gives us our sense of self. In the interest of preserving that sense of self, the narrative often parts ways with reality, teaching us to lie to ourselves and training us to believe our own lies. Thus, when we think we’re being rational, we’re often just being spun by our own Interpreter.
We would more readily set people free if we didn’t believe that they need to be a certain way in order for us to be okay.
We try so hard to get others to love us to make up for not loving ourselves. But the one cannot compensate for the other, so the madness goes on indefinitely.
Without ever saying it, our message to many of those closest to us is, “I want you to be a lie, for my sake.”
We want to change the world around us so that we ourselves can stay as we are. So we undertake the impossible, endeavoring to change what we cannot and refusing to change the only thing we can.